A Miracle For Jodi Brown

Celebrating Life: Two Year Anniversary Update

2011-05-13T21:30:00.000-06:00

Two years ago today, I had my first brain surgery to remove a tumor growing around my brainstem. It has been a long, hard road with many unexpected detours and complications. Rather than dread this day, I decided to make it a day of celebration.For those of you on a similar journey, please know that there is HOPE and MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!

Please watch this little video and help celebrate the great comebacks of life!

I hope my story on this blog can help you learn, grow and believe. And, I hope you will join me on a new journey at:

www.lifeconstructionzone.com

Inspiration and Hope for Navigating the Detours of Life

Crossing the Red Sea

2010-11-14T17:14:00.005-07:00

The Red Sea sparkles in the light, as the rays of sun dance on the peaks of the gentle waves. It is a beautiful and glorious sight. Over 14 years ago, I stood on the shores of the Red Sea, marvelling at the grandeur of my surroundings. The colors, sights, smells and sounds awakened my senses and overwhelmed my mind. I was at peace and at home in a foreign land.

My first journey to the Red Sea, Spring, 1996

Just over 18 months ago, I found myself standing again on these shores, this time in a figurative sense, as I frightfully watched the Pharoah's Egyptian chariots chasing me down, ever nearing the very shores on which I stood. My diagnosis was one that came with enemy soldiers and little chance of escape. But even in the moments of great fear, faith lived on and so God parted the water and I began the long and difficult but miraculous journey across my Red Sea.

A photo of my second time at the "Red Sea".

At some time, we will all face our own Red Seas. My hope for each of you is that when you near the shores of your personal sea, you will know that

You do not have to cross alone.

You can be surrounded by family members, friends, neighbors, angels and a loving Heavenly Father who is waiting to part the water.

"A Miracle for Jodi Brown" is now complete. Healing is still occurring and bumps still occur along my path, but my MIRACLES have happened, first and foremost because of a loving, caring Father in Heaven who granted me a second chance at life. But YOU also played a large part in my miracles. You are the angels who prayed and fasted with faith. You are the friends that brought dinners, cleaned my house, drove my children and took care of my family when I could not. You are the friends and strangers who sent me messages of love and hope, when I had little hope left. Each day as I crossed my Red Sea, you walked by my side, making sure there would be dry ground for my journey.

It is with mixed emotions that after 568 days of fear and faith, helplessness and hope, I bring this blog to a close. I feel total joy in knowing that I AM STILL HERE to be a wife and a mother, a daughter and a sister, a neighbor and a friend. I also feel a strange sadness to see this stage of my life come to an end. Though I will not miss my illness or my physical struggles, I will miss the feelings of being part of something bigger than myself, being part of true miracles from God.

I do know that this is the time for me to start fresh, with new-found hope for a brighter future. Please join me again, this time to help others find the inspiration and hope that make miracles happen! Mine is now a Life Under Construction, with detours and orange cones, but with improvements and beauty waiting ahead!

Go to: http://www.lifeconstructionzone.com/ and click on "Follow" to join me on a new journey, as we find inspiration and hope while navigating through the detours of life!

Before I say my final tearful "good bye" on this blog, can I ask one tiny favor? Please leave just a little comment to say you were here and part of my journey. Many of you have never even told me your names, while others I know well, but all of you are now part of my family, and to all of you, I express my love and thanks for making miracles happen! Love, Jodi

18 Months

2010-11-13T13:51:00.000-07:00

Exactly 18 months ago at this very moment, I was in the middle of my first craniotomy to remove my tumor. Sometime that evening, I woke up in a hazy and somewhat confused state and realized that my face was paralyzed. Thankfully, time softens everything. Those moments are not so vivid and the pain is just a memory. I still couldn't help but have de'ja'vu as I got my MRIs yesterday and went through the motions at that very familiar place. Walking out to my car, I remembered all the emotions that engulfed me on that very first day, when my whole life was suddenly up in the air...

In total contrast, today I am busily cleaning my house and working in the kitchen, just like most of you are doing on this Saturday "job" day. I feel good and I am optimistic about life and all it holds. Yes, there are still frustrations, but they are not worth wasting precious time over. This morning I was frustrated with the help I wasn't receiving from one family member. But the emotions ran their course and we are back on track now.

It was easy to get back on track after receiving a special phone call from Hawaii. Some dear friends of my family, the Soukops, called me today, just to check on me and see how I am doing. Now, you must understand, they do not know me personally. I think I have met her once, and I only know of him. And yet, they send me letters and emails from time to time, and today they called, just to say hi and to check on me. Their love astounds me and I am so grateful for wonderful people like this sweet couple! If you know them, please pass on my gratitude, love and aloha.

Tonight Tolan and I are taking the kids to "Puss in Boots" at the Treehouse Museum. This wonderful children's museum puts on fabulous, family-friendly shows and tonight is our first of the new season. It is just one more indication that life is good and we have much to be grateful during this special season and throughout the year.

Annual MRI

2010-11-10T17:05:00.001-07:00

Friday I will go to the hospital for my annual MRI to check the status of my removed brain tumor. The truth is, while the MRI process itself is not fun, I am not at all nervous about the results. That is not to say that I think I will never have problems again, but instead, I now know that we can handle life, no matter what is in store. Our priorities, as a family, are in the right place, and that is what counts. Live or die, accident or illness, who know what is to come? Though we may not have a crystal ball, we have faith that our family can be strong no matter what stands in our way.

The funny thing is, this MRI almost didn't happen at all. Because of the metal spring in my eye, my MRI was put on hold for weeks until the radiology team could coordinate with my occuloplastic surgeon to find out if I am still eligible for an MRI. Metal can interefere with the imaging results, causing inaccurate results. But after much ado, I found out today that I should be fine and the results should be "mostly" accurate, despite the small piece of metal in my eyelid. Interestingly enough, the large 2.5 inch x 3.5 inch titanium plate in my skull causes no interference, which is why that particular metal is now used over other options. A little bit of trivia for the curious soul. :)

My imaging results will be sent to Dr. Couldwell, and in a few weeks I will probably receive a phone call or letter in the mail, notifying me that the scans were normal. Ahh, to be normal again is a wonderful thing!

And the Winner Is . . . .

2010-11-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

Megan C.

with a guess of $46,500!

The actual total of my eye surgery (at least if we don't get any more bills) is $54, 848.00. Wow, that is a lot for an outpatient procedure! I guess they do things differently in California! That is nearly 27% of my TOTAL hospital stay of 34 days (and 3 brain surgeries) from last year, and this was only for 6 hours. Yikes. I guess I am blessed to live in Utah, where healthcare costs are low and quality is high.

In any case, congrats to Megan!! A gift card will be coming your way soon! Email me your address so I can get it in the mail ASAP. :) Thanks to everyone who guessed!

It is snowing/raining/snowing/raining outside right now, so I guess the season is finally turning from fall into winter. The ski resorts will be thrilled, as are all my little skiers here at home. Despite the cold outside, I am warm in my house, and warm inside, filled with the excitement that comes with welcoming the seasons of Thanksgiving and Giving! Hooray!

My Best Friend

2010-11-06T13:59:00.001-06:00

It was 14 years ago this weekend that I married my best friend. We have grown and changed in many ways over that time, but I can say for sure that our love for each other is stronger than ever. We have been through wonderful times and trying times, but we have come out of them all as better people. We are more committed than ever to each other and to our family. Thank you, to my amazing husband, for being everything that I never knew I needed in my life!! Enjoy these photos from our special day, all those years ago! (Wow, we look young in these pictures!)

BTW, if you haven't submitted your guess, leave a comment to let me know how much you think the bills are for my eye surgery in August. Winner will be announced in a few days! :)

. . . . . The Cost of a New Life

2010-11-03T08:16:00.001-06:00

The bills from my surgery in August are rolling in. When I make the journey across the street to my mail box, I actually get a sick feeling in my stomach as I go through the little stack of envelopes in our box. Cards and notes are wonderful, but medical bills are not so fun.

So, let's make the process a little more fun, shall we?? :) Here we go... Make your guess for the total cost of my eye surgery in the "comments" section, or email your answer to me at brownjo76@q.com . At the end of the week, the person whose guess is the closest will be the winner!

Here's the info on my procedure in California:

1 consultation visit (3 hours)
1 eye surgery
1 custom-made "spring" inserted into my eyelid
1 prosthetic lift, inserted into my brow
6 hours of anesthesia
1 occuloplastic surgeon, 6 hours total Operating Room time
1 follow-up visit (1 hour)

So, what is the cost to remedy the effects of paralysis??? Well, you give me your best guess, but I can tell you this, no matter the cost, the results are..... PRICELESS!

. . . . . . Halloween Treats

2010-10-31T15:30:00.000-06:00

The kids had the day off on Friday, so we got to start our Halloween weekend early, first with a breakfast outing to IHOP for Halloween pancakes! :) The kids had many fun adventures this weekend and all the costumes held out (some lasted longer than the kids!). Trenden was a "Pop Star", Lindi was a bubble gum machine, Casen was an Indian and Daven was a flashlight. They all chose their own costumes, then Mom was in charge of figuring out how to come up with their ideas. Ahh, all part of the job! :)

The truth is, I got all the treats! Yes, I got to help make their little dreams come true, by making them into whatever their hearts desired. Then I got to spend a fun day with them doing Halloween activities. Then I got to see the looks on their faces as they headed out the door for trick-or-treating fun. See, I was the one who really made out this Halloween! Enjoy!

The sweetest little gumball machine you'll ever see!

The nicest little 'injun around.

Trenden looking in total Pop Star fashion.

Getting turned "on" for the fun!

Ready to get some loot!

Heading out for a night of treats! Daven really did shine! ;)

It is no wonder this little guy is the light of my life! :)

. . . . . . Friends for Life

2010-10-28T11:08:00.000-06:00

Thank goodness for wonderful friends!! It seems that good friends step in at the very moment you need them! I needed a few friends this morning - I was at the school for the kids' Halloween parties and I got feeling a little dizzy. This seems to be the way my body reacts now to *everything*, ie. not enough sleep, overdoing it, etc. Luckily, Michelle and Norell were there and noticed I was having a hard time. So, now I am safely back at home and getting the rest I need. I am so grateful for the friends that continue to be angels in my life!

Last week, our good friends, the Rhoads, invited us to hang out with them at their new condo at Solitude Ski Resort. These special friends have been in our lives since the beginning of the Brown family, and we continue to be grateful for their friendship. Our children are best buddies and we all enjoy hanging out together. Their new condo is so fun, and the perfect get away for fall, winter, spring or summer! The kids loved the heated pool, waterslide, hot tub, game room, theater room, and computer room and the adults enjoyed the fact that the kids were busy having fun! We got to relax and enjoy the beautiful surroundings! They call it Solitude for a reason! :)

The leaves were blazing with color in the mountains just a week ago, but now the snow is flying and the ski slopes are getting covered.This is what it looked like when we were there...beautiful and serene! (Of course, when our kids were in the pool and hot tub, it wasn't nearly as peaceful!) What would we do without good friends that help us enjoy life?

If this kind of escape sounds appealing to you, the condo is available for rent most of the year. You can visit the Rhoad's blog and check out tons of photos at: http://www.solitudecondo.blogspot.com/

Tonight I get to spend time with another group of dear friends. Every year for my sister Tami's birthday, we celebrate with all the girls by heading to the Cheesecake Factory! I missed last year's celebration, but I am determined to get there tonight. I am riding the train to Salt Lake and getting picked up by my dear friend, Suzy, for the rest of the drive. Ahh, one day I will drive again by myself, but in the meantime, thank goodness for friends!!!

. . . . . Cold Outside, Warm Inside

2010-10-24T15:47:00.000-06:00

It has been raining for 24 hours now. It is cold outside and the season seemed to change in a day. Yesterday, it seemed autumn was blazing, today it feels like winter is on the way. It is the kind of day you just want to stay inside, cuddle up with a blanket and a good movie.

I didn't stay home, though, and I am so grateful. Like every Sunday, we got everyone ready and went to church. Every meeting today seemed particularly good. Each speaker and lesson touched my heart. When the young primary children put on a program, tears filled my eyes as I heard them sing, "I know God lives, I know Christ walked on Earth with men, I know He said that we could live with Him again. We have a prophet to guide us, just as Christ did back then..." The words of this beautiful song, written by my friend and neighbor, Belinda Jackson, are so powerful. I was not the only one wiping the tears out of my eyes as 70 young children sang out this message of hope.

My 3-year old son, Daven, was on my lap as we watched the other children perform. He looked up at me and said, "Why did Jesus die for us so we can live with Him again?" Surprised and touched by the question, I told him how much Jesus loves him, how Christ wants us to find happiness and return to be with Him again someday. Content with the answer, he turned his attention back to the children's program. But my attention stayed.

Between the program and the sweet words of my young one, I felt so warm inside, filled by the Spirit of the Holy Ghost, testifying that God is indeed still part of our lives today. I am so grateful that my young children also know that they are beloved children of God!

. . . . . Getting Younger Every Day

2010-10-22T16:05:00.000-06:00

A wonderful thing happened yesterday at the store. From across the parking lot, a neighborhood friend spotted me getting in my car. I noticed a man staring at me, then saw that he took his glasses on and off as he looked in my direction. Finally, as he came closer, I recognized my friend and we approached each other for a hug and a visit. What he said next, however, surprise me and made my day!

"I saw you and thought 'that can't be Jodi, she looks too young'!"

He hasn't seen me since my eye surgery in August and said that between the surgery and my improved facial muscles, I am looking younger and better, every time he sees me! Wow, that made my day! Not too many of us get to age in reverse, so I guess I am just lucky! :)

Do They Know? -- Guest Post

2010-10-20T14:12:00.005-06:00

I read this post on my cousin's blog the other day, and I loved it. With her permission, I am reposting it here. It is written by Nichole Giles, mother of 4, wife, and author of 2 (so far) books. Her post follows a previous post about encouraging children to pursue their talents and dreams, even if the world discourages them. It is beautiful. Enjoy!

"After last week’s discussion about encouraging—rather than discouraging—our children in their creative efforts, I started to wonder. Do my kids know how much faith I have in them? Do they truly understand what they can do if they really commit themselves?

My kids aren’t little anymore. In fact, they’re on the cusp of adulthood. As they make this transition, will they spread their wings and take off? Or will they burrow into a hole and be afraid of the desires of their hearts?

Granted, most of us end up somewhere in the middle and walk into adulthood on legs—and there’s nothing wrong with that. But I have to wonder. If we knew—really, truly knew—our own potential when we were teens, would we have chosen to walk? Or would we have run? Or maybe found wings?

I don’t know the answer to that particular what if, and I have no regrets. I love where I am in life. But I wonder about my kids. Do they know what they can do?

I don’t know for sure one way or another. But I can help them realize their potential. I can help them find the things they love most in life and excel at them.

I—their mother—have the power to give my children the ability to fly. I just have to remember to use it."

If you want to read more of Nichole's musings, you can follow her at http://nicholegiles.blogspot.com/ .

As for me, it seems my parents always told me I could fly, I just had to believe it for myself and learn to flap my wings! Now, if only I can teach my children how high they can soar...

. . . . . . Harvest Time

2010-10-17T15:54:00.000-06:00

I love harvest time! I love to reap the rewards of my efforts. I love to see baskets full of veggies that I pick from my own garden. This late in the season, it is rare to find so many treasures still growing, but what a plentiful afternoon it was in my little garden today!

The wonderful thing about life is that our actions are like gardens, they produce long after the work has been done. Our friendships, jobs, family relationships are all the results of our efforts, both good and bad. Whether we spend minutes or hours, our efforts will be known by our harvest.

I need to work harder in many ways so that my all the gardens in my life will be overflowing with homegrown goodness!

BTW - My husband does NOT like to be in the spotlight, but I must take at least a sentence to tell my very best friend, and eternal companion, how much I love him and hope he has a great birthday today!

. . . . . Confession

2010-10-13T14:15:00.001-06:00

I have a boyfriend. His hair is short and blond, his smile is gorgeous and he is totally amazing. He literally shines with light when I look at him, and when he looks at me. His laugh makes me smile and his eyes make me want to dance. He also adores me, I can tell; he doesn't even try to hide it. He is not afraid to hold my hand in public or throw his arms around me and squeeze me tight. That is a feeling I will never be able to replace. It is a feeling of warmth, security, and love.

But alas, I know this won't last forever. One day my little boyfriend will grow up, and he will no longer be a baby. He will be a big boy, and then a man. When that happens, the cuddles and kisses will likely be less frequent, though I hope not. We will not always experience life hand in hand all day, but I hope that someday he will remember how much he is adored by this grown woman, who is totally and completely in love.

Stuck in a Sweet Spot

2010-10-10T17:48:00.001-06:00

Wow, what a wonderful few days! Yesterday I started having "twitches" above my lip, in fact my lip was "stuck" in a "snarl" position on and off all day. Now, while many of you would be frustrated with such an event, I was thrilled. It means face muscle #4 (out of 19) is slowly returning!!! I have been "twitching" all day today, too, and I couldn't be happier! Today I can celebrate with laughter and joy, but yesterday I celebrated with tears. It is so emotional to continue to see miracles in my life, all these months later. Oh, wow, today is 18 months exactly since my diagnosis. Amazing to see how much life can change in such a short time. Hooray for continued miracles!

After a wonderful, but busy day yesterday, I fell right to sleep last night and slept for 10 hours. I woke up and felt GREAT! It was amazing, and I have felt good all day today. I have decided that 10 hours is my "sweet spot". If only I could get 10 good hours a night, I would be in great shape every day. :)

That is obviously not realistic (though I still shoot for it), and some days it is very hard to get out of bed and function when my body is acting against me. But, that is the point of life, isn't it? It is when we get up and make the best of the day, even when we don't feel like it, that we are truly living life!

. . . . . For All the Right Reasons

2010-10-08T19:13:00.000-06:00

Today I wore myself out. Totally. Completely. But, it was for all the right reasons, so I am trying not to be too hard on myself. :)

The kids had an obstacle course walk-a-thon (run-a-thon) at the school and I went to watch and participate with them. They had 3 sessions, for different ages and grades, and it just so happened that each of my three students fell into a different session and time. So, I spent the whole day at the school, going around the obstacle course and track with the kids. Wow, they ran and played so hard! I ran, did the obstacles and cheered, cheered, cheered, while taking pictures and video.

Now, I am hammered. But, it was totally worth it. These are the moments that make life wonderful! I missed too many of them last year and I don't plan to miss any more! :)

. . . . . Steering and Sleeping

2010-10-06T10:50:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I drove to Salt Lake for my facial therapy appointment. Yesterday I DROVE to Salt Lake for my facial therapy appointmet. Yes, for the first time in 18 months, I drove on the freeway! Happily, I can report that I survived, and so did everyone else. :) That is a BIG accomplishment for me, and a wonderful step in getting back my freedom and independence.

My appointment was good and Janene praised me for all the progress I am making. I got hooked up to the biofeedback machine and we worked for over an hour on trying to get my facial muscles to move in the right ways. I got a small movement back that I have been working on for months, a very exciting moment.

By the time I got home, I was worn out. The mental energy it takes to think about every small movement you want your muscles to make is exchausting. It is physically draining, too, which is a surprise to many people, since it is "just" my face. And yet, every time I practice these facial movements (every day), I feel like I have run a marathon.

Thank heavens for my understanding husband who took over things at home and let me go to bed. So, I climbed in bed at 8:30pm and did not get up until 7 this morning. To some, 10.5 hours of sleep may sound like a lot, but just like when you are sick, my body still needs all the sleep I can get.

Progress is good, but it only comes with time, practice, and in this case, lots of rest! :)

. . . . . . Soaked and Smiling

2010-10-04T14:45:00.001-06:00

Today when I went to pick up my kindergartner and his friends, we were caught in the middle of a torrential downpour. By the time we got everyone loaded in the car and buckled up, my two little boys, our 2 little school friends and I were all soaked, through all of our layers!

We got home and all the kids put on PJs while I threw several shirts and pants into the dryer. There was one exception however. Our little friend Azlin didn't change her clothes. She said she didn't mind that she was a little wet (my pants were drenched to my upper thighs, so I think it is cute that she said she was only a 'little' wet). In fact, with water dripping from her hair and slippery socks on her feet, she declared with a smile that as soon as she got home, she was going to go outside and play in the rain. Her plans included collecting buckets of water and dumping them all over her backyard. :)

This sweet girl reminded me that feeling raindrops on your skin awakens the senses and enlightens the mind. And today, I am grateful for the rain, yes, even the downpour. Perhaps a "little" water was just what I needed!

. . . . . The Bumper Effect

2010-09-30T12:07:00.001-06:00

The third graders went bowling today, and oh, what fun it was! The bowling alley had bumpers up in all the lanes, to assist the kids in knocking down the pins. Some balls were thrown with great strength, while others actually stopped in the middle of the lane. Some bounced from bumper to bumper, while others sailed gracefully down the long, slippery lane. And yet again, a little parable for life hit me, this time at the bowling alley.

On hard days, it seems as if our balls will never go straight, as though we are destined to land in the gutter, no matter what we do. But just when all hope seems lost, a "bumper" appears to straighten us out, give us a little bounce and send us on the Right way again.

In my life, these bumpers are a wide variety of things and people. Friends, neighbors, family and loved ones are often the bumpers that help me, guide me, and even correct me when I am off course. Inspirational books and music can also give me a little bounce when I am leaning too far to one side. My dedicated husband daily gives me extra strength to keep going down the lane when it feels I am too slow to ever make it. And for me, the good words of the gospel of Jesus Christ give me constant help when I am too fast, too slow or too crooked. And, on days when I am sailing straight down the line, my bumpers are there to cheer me on my Savior awaits with a warm embrace and encouraging word, whispered through his Spirit.

No matter how many pins we knock down in any given frame, we can always be grateful for the bumpers that helped us get down the lane. Who and what are the bumpers in your life?

Lindi's bowling buddies, Madde, Ginny and Maria.

Best bowling buds! Neighborhood friend, Diego, and his teammates.

Sweet Katie, getting ready for a strike!

Lindi, waiting in anticipation, to see if she can knock down that final pin....

And the sheer joy of success!

Enjoy this little video, celebrating the bumpers!

. . . . . . Pushing Myself

2010-09-27T17:34:00.002-06:00

There have been so many times in the last 16+ months when I have paid a heavy price because I pushed myself to the level of a "normal" person. But lately I have felt that if I am ever going to strengthen my physical body and get back into shape, I need to push myself a little.

For the last 4 weeks, I have been on an exercise routine that is probably similar to what many of you do, but for me, this is a big step in my ladder of progress. I have been exercising 4-5 days a week, for 30-50 minutes each day. I am doing a variety of cardio, weights and strength training, in hopes of re-training my body. (It is amazing how easy it is to mess your body up, but how long it takes to get it all back!!!)

Thank heavens, I have some fun, upbeat music on my iPod to keep me motivated. And, I have a fabulous little 3-year-old dance partner who jumps all over the living room with me when we are tired of the normal workouts. Today, I pushed myself pretty hard and it felt GOOD! I felt like my legs were going to give out from under me, but it was a wonderful feeling.

I still know I have limitations. I am still taking rests every day, going to bed early, getting as much sleep as possible, and trying not to over-do it. But, it feels amazing to be able to push my body a bit, and have it step up to the task and actually keep up with me. This is HUGE! :)

. . . . . . Crossing the Line

2010-09-23T18:46:00.002-06:00

On most days, I'd say 95% of the time, I go about my day in a fairly "normal" manner, rushing kids to school, tumbling, soccer, piano and Tae Kwon Do. Somewhere in between, I also manage to read stories with the little guys, play games, help with homework, cook dinner, exercise and maybe do a load of laundry. But once in a while, life just stops and I am hit by a flood of emotion that washes over me completely. I start to cry, and I start to remember, and as I add my tears to the flood waters, I thank God for the blessing of being alive!

When these moments hit, the power of the feelings is total and complete and I remember that My Life is a Gift.

****************************
There comes a point in time when faith crosses over a line and becomes knowledge. When that happens, everything changes.

For some, crossing the line will be a momumental event, for others, it is the quiet compilation of many daily events over the course of months or years. For me, it was nearly crossing over another line, the one between life and death, that cemented the knowledge I already had in my Savior, Jesus Christ. When all else left me, when I could barely hear the words of my husband and mother who were standing beside me, it was then that I was wrapped in the loving arms of my Savior and surrounded by a greater peace than I have ever known.

What is it that brings this memory suddenly into my mind and paralyzes me from all else? Perhaps on those 5% of days, I just need a reminder of the glories and gifts that surround me each day. Maybe I need to remember that although my life is becoming more normal everyday, I crossed the line, so nothing will ever be the same.

. . . . . Lone Rider

2010-09-22T09:02:00.000-06:00

My oldest son rode alone on the Front Runner (commuter train) yesterday, to meet Tolan in Salt Lake, for a "guys night" on the town. At 11 years old, he still seems young to me, and yet, so old at the same time. He was ready for this, in fact, quite excited to show he was responsible enough to handle this journey.

The kids and I accompanied him to the station. I purchased his ticket and he was ready for us to leave, but we stayed and waited until the train arrived and we saw him safely board and find a seat on the upper level. I hugged and kissed him goodbye and wished him well, then we waved madly as the train pulled away. He glanced our way and smiled, but only the 4 of us on the platform were waving. He was ready to go.

This was a "small" event, and yet so big. My children are growing up. They are venturing into the world on their own. They are discovering what life has to offer and what they have to contribute. They are turning into young PEOPLE who can make their own decisions and choose their own ways. Now, more than ever, I pray they remember the lessons they have been taught and decide to Choose The Right. :)

. . . . . We Reap What We Sow

2010-09-19T16:49:00.000-06:00

I listened to the teacher in Sunday School today and one particular phrase hit me in a stronger manner than it ever has before. He asked what the message of the harvest is, to which we replied, "you reap what you sow". In this lesson, the message was about our talents and gifts, and developing that which God has blessed us with. To me, this message went even deeper.

Every day I am sowing seeds that will some day produce fruit. What are the seeds I sow? Are they seeds of love to my family, neighbors, children and friends? Do I ever sow seeds of frustration or anger, which could yield sour fruit? Do I sow seeds of kindness and service? Am I daily sowing seeds that will produce the fruit I want to reap later??

We all hope for better and brighter days ahead, and the way we will find those days is by sowing seeds today that will bring us happiness later. I hope we can all be blessed as we do the hard work of digging in dirt and and sowing seeds of love and kindness.

. . . . . Al Gore was Right

2010-09-16T09:56:00.001-06:00

It hit me the other day that Al Gore was right...not about inventing the internet, or global warming, or about any number of policies or politics. But one thing by the former VP does resonate with me: The truth is inconvenient.

His documentary on global warming is titled An Inconvenient Truth, and that much is a fact. The truth is rarely convenient. If you have ever searched for truth, you know what I mean. When you look for an answer and then you find it, you find the truth behind the matter, that is the moment when everything changes. From that point on, you must decide whether to live a life of convenience and go on with things as you knew them, or do what you know to be right and make a change, even when it is not convenient for your life.

Whether you are deciding which school to go to, whom you should marry, which religion to participate in, which foods to eat, which friends to associate with, which job to take, or anything else in life, the challenge is not in finding the answer, but LIVING THE ANSWER. Because, the truth is inconvenient.

I had a moment of personal enlightenment this week and now I am faced with the choice of deciding how to "handle the truth". Though I don't want to turn my life upside down, or get things out of balance, I know I must make a change, and that is the hardest, most inconvenient part. I am still figuring out how to make some needed changes, but the important thing is I know the truth and one day at a time, I will try to find a way to live it!

. . . . . . Mother Moments

2010-09-15T09:22:00.001-06:00

UPDATE: Is it too late to change this post and beat myself up again?? Monday and yesterday were good mothering days, today, both the 5-year old and I are in tears. In this scenario, no one wins? Anyone for a do-over? (And now, back to the original post...)

My boys (the 5 and 3 year olds) have been fighting lately. They are together for most of the day (minus half-day kindergarten), they share a room, share friends, share toys and just about everything else, too. But, several times a day, they get tired of sharing and they fight instead. Welcome Mother Moments.

This week, however, I am not feeling down on myself for losing my temper or getting frustrated, I am actually pretty proud of a few of my Moments. :) This week I disciplined with love, I tried to help the boys see the results of their actions, I attempted to handle each Moment with the treatment needed at the time. I followed through on promised discipline, I reacted immediately and fairly, and within inserting my personal emotions. Wow, if I do nothing else this week, I will still feel good, because I had these positive Mother Moments.

Being a mom is the greatest calling in the world, but it is also the hardest. Many days I feel discouraged because the task is so enormous and I am often not up to par with the love my young ones deserve. When I am tired and my body is exhausted, my Moments are not ones to be proud of. So, today I am celebrating the things I did right, since I also get down on myself when I mess up. Please share a few of your proud parenting moments, too. I think we should all get a pat on the back for the days we do things right! :)

. . . . Great Expectations

2010-09-12T20:21:00.000-06:00

I have great expectations for myself. I hope you do, too. This explains why I get a little frustrated when my body doesn't cooperate, as was the case this weekend. Today I am doing well, but Friday and Saturday, well, not so good. And, I have tried so hard not to take pain pills over the last year, that when I do take them, I am out of it. My poor hubby last night, we "tried" to go on a date, but I was miserable and I finally just told him I needed to go home and go to bed.

But alas, after 10 hours of sleep last night (yes, 10 hours!), I am feeling better today, with hope for tomorrow and the rest of the week getting even better.

My biggest challenge continues to be monitoring my expectations of myself with my reality. I suppose I have always been this way, I get big ideas in my mind of how much I can do, but time (and now my body) don't always allow me to finish my big plans the way I'd like.

But, the good part is I have great expectations of myself...that means I am well enough to expect action and accomplishment from my body and mind. Hooray! So, here's to great expectations, even when they are unmet!

. . . . . Learning to Pout

2010-09-10T17:54:00.000-06:00

Do you have a good pouty face? Can you stick your bottom lip way out and frown in a "nice" big pout? Well, I have nothing to pout about, but I am practicing my pouty face.

As part of my facial therapy, I practice lip and mouth movements every day, including the pout, the lip press (think of your lips resting together with slight pressure), the pucker and "my lips are sealed" positions. We are trying to retrain my muscles to work in ways that will help me eat and drink normally, and allow my face to go back to a more normal resting position.

There are 19 muscles on each side of your face. I only have 3 that work, so we are hoping to train these muscles to do the work of the other 16. Some days I can drink out of a cup and keep everything in my mouth! Other days (like today) it still drips all the way down my chin and on to my shirt. This is where the pout comes in. The pouting face is one where you hold you lips together in a frown position. I am using this new technique to help my mouth figure out how to eat and drink again, keeping my lips sealed, so it is totally worth it.

So don't be alarmed if you see me around town with a big pouty face, I am just practicing!

. . . . . The Importance of Tools

2010-09-08T21:48:00.000-06:00

Do you ever feel like you are using a fork to do the job of a screwdriver?

I was making Sunday dinner the other day and my hand mixer died right in the middle of a critical mixing job. I had a back-up mixer, which I pulled out for just such an emergency. Well, this "new" mixer had a short in it, so it only lasted about 38 seconds. And so, the scrounging for hand utensils began...

Nearly 40 minutes later, I completed the task that should have taken me 4 minutes to finish.

Yet another modern-day parable in the story that is my life: Even the simplest of tasks can be difficult if you don't have the right tools.

Do you have the right tools for your life? Does your toolbox include an understanding of why you are here, a "map" to guide you where to go, and lifeline help for when you need it most? I am so grateful that I am armed with the tools of the gospel of Jesus Christ, so no matter what else gives out in my life, I will always have the help to finish the job.

My greatest "tools" are sacred books I read every day. If you want a copy of my favorite "tool" book, The Book of Mormon, a companion to the Bible and another testament of Jesus Christ, just email me at brownjo76@q.com and a free copy is on the way. Love, Jodi

. . . . . Quick Family Update - Prayers Please

2010-09-07T20:16:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago, I mentioned some health problem's my sisters' families are having. The good news is that baby Kurt (Tami's baby) is still doing well. His CAT scan revealed the tumor was still growing (quickly), but he is doing remarkably well so far and they hope to give him more time to grow before having surgery.

My sister, Kristi, on the other hand, is not doing as well. Her health problems (still currently "undiagnosed" without a name or known cause) are escalating and causing her multiple problems. She is hardly able to get out of bed some days and this is difficult physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually.

I ask for prayers because I know they work! Your prayers worked for me, please now offer some on behalf of my sister. Suffering is always hard, no matter the cause. Here's hoping for another miracle!

Thanks! Love, Jodi

. . . . . . Quiet Time

2010-09-05T14:53:00.002-06:00

The world is full of noise. There is a constant stream of music, talk radio, TV, computers, trucks, trains and planes. Even the "lovely" sound of children feels noisy after too long without a break.

I find more and more than I need quiet time in my life these days. I need time to meditate, to listen to myself think, and more importantly, to listen to my Savior sending me soft promptings through his Spirit, the Holy Ghost. When it is too noisy or when I am plugged into an iPod, the TV is in the background or children are fighting, I cannot focus on the messages He is trying to send me.

My current goal (as of the last week) is to make more Quiet Time in my life. I need to disconnect from the world and reconnect with myself and my Savior. I need to think and process, without the distractions of the world screaming at me all the time. I need to listen to and hear my body, mind and spirit.

Finding this time is a challenge, no doubt. I have four children and enough school, church, scout, music and sports activities to keep a small taxi company in business. But I need this, for me and for my family. I need to start my day with quiet time, with prayer and scripture study AND I need to take time during the day to refresh myself so I can keep going and show love along the way.

If you already do this, you know what I mean. If not, give it a try and tell me what you discover about yourself when you spend some quality quiet time alone.

. . . . . Listening vs. Hearing

2010-09-01T14:17:00.004-06:00

Every day I listen to music, but I don't always hear it. I can listen all day long and not even know what the words of the song are. I may also listen to my kids in the background and not actually hear what they are saying to me.

Well, I have realized the same is true for my body. I think that I have been listening to it, but it turns out, I haven't heard the messages it is sending me. Last week I had a cold all week. I felt crummy, but just pushed through it, as all mothers would during the first week of school. By Sunday, I felt borderline terrible, and I listened to my body(recognized I felt lousy) , but didn't hear it (respond appropriately). So, instead I wound end making myself 10x worse because I tried to get through the day without really hearing the messages I was being sent.

It wasn't a good day. Lesson learned.

Now I am trying to do better. I am taking the breaks I need and attempting to go to bed earlier. I still don't get near the 10-11 hours of sleep I am supposed to get at this stage of my recovery, but I am honestly trying to hear what my body is saying and rest when I need to. I am learning to take naps and rest during the day when my body is exhausted. That is a good lesson to learn.

The good news is that my eye is doing much better these days! I am closing it (all except about 1-2 mm) and the swelling is nearly gone. My daughter took a few pics to send to Dr. Levine, so check them out. :)

You can see my eye is still open a bit, as is my mouth, both from the paralysis. Still working on learning to close my mouth and keep food/drink inside, but I am getting better!

Though my eye is still swollen, the brow and eyelid surgery have been remarkable in restoring the symmetry to my face and making me look more like me. :)

Here's to more hearing and continued recovery!! :)

. . . . . . . Firsts and Milestones

2010-09-01T13:57:00.004-06:00

Sometime yesterday we hit another blog milestone, 35,000 visits since November of last year. Wow, that is fantastic. Still, I am honestly amazed. I want to genuinely thank all of you for sticking with me through the thick and thin of it all. YOU are the best blog readers in the world. I'd love to have another give away contest, but I have nothing to give, and no money to buy anything. If you have something to give, great, otherwise, I am simply going to send each of you a big cyber hug and say "thanks"!

Today was Casen's first day of kindergarten. He is more than ready for school and I am sure he was excited, though his face this morning was hard to read. I don't know if he was nervous or what, but he looked focused or concerned as we entered the classroom today. Still, after a few minutes, I got him to smile and laugh and I think he was good from there. After class, he told me about the fish tank, stamps and codes for getting a drink and going to the bathroom. He didn't even mention the playground until I brought it up. Too funny. :)

I was both excited and sad to see him start school. My little boy is growing up, now I will only have Daven home with me (for half the day, at least). I hope the world doesn't take hold of him too soon. I want him to be my guy as long as possible. :)

.. . . . . . Of Hope and Love

2010-08-30T09:59:00.000-06:00

Saturday I went to a beautiful wedding. I cried when I saw tears from the father of the bride as he gave his daughter to her new husband. My heart was filled with hope as I saw the love between the bride and her groom. They, too, were filled with hope, evident in their eyes and their smiles.

They hope for wonderful days ahead, for blessings of health, strength, compassion and love. They hope for fairy-tale endings and real-life miracles. They hope for a strong family and years of growth, until they finally grow old together.

The ceremony, only a few minutes long, reminded me why love is so important. It reminded me that I need to demonstrate love in all I do, as well as in the ways I touch, smile and see others. I am grateful for this event and for the restored hope and joy I feel because of it. I will always remember the look on the bride's face as she stood next to her groom, as he caressed her hand and they said, "I do". A beautiful start to a happy, hopeful, loving life together. My best wishes to Nicole and Patrick as they start out their lives together. And, congrats to my dear friend, Noellee, the amazing mother of the bride!

I pray we can all have that kind of hope and love in our families, this day and always.

PS - Thank you to my dear friends who helped me out at church yesterday when I was feeling dizzy and under the weather. Your loving actions give me hope in mankind. :)

. . . . . . Insomnia

2010-08-27T11:54:00.002-06:00

Sleepless nights make for hard days. The last few weeks I have spent hours and hours lying in bed, unable to find rest. Today I decided I have had enough so I called my doc and I am hoping he will have a solution to help. If any of you have suggestions, please share!

Rather than stumble through a long update post, know that I continue to make progress and life is good. I had a facial therapy appointment and Janene gave me a smiley face on my page and said my improvement since June is phenomenal! I could be "conference worthy" because I have changed so much. Great news, and we are still working to make things better.

I hope you are still looking for and finding your own miracles everyday, as we are! Love you all.

. . . . . School Days

2010-08-25T11:34:00.004-06:00

Walking out the door, sun in my eyes, I can hardly see them as they go...
Once so little, now independent and half grown, as off to school they go.
The smell of new shoes and sharpened pencil leads fills the air
And I see the crisp bright shirts and perfectly combed hair.
With sadness and joy I watch them start a new learning year once more
Knowing my "little ones" become big as they walk through the school door.
Off on their own to face the world, I hope and pray I have taught them right
So they can stand tall and brave, kind, faithful and always full of God's might.

Happy First Day of School! Love, Jodi

. . . . . . The Beginning, Middle or End??

2010-08-22T15:28:00.005-06:00

I have long been debating the end... Not the end of the world or any doomsday topic like that, but rather the natural "end" to this stage of my life. For nearly 2 years, my life has been ruled by doctor's appointments, tests, shots, scans, surgeries, recoveries, and medications. But more than all of these things, as the name of the blog indicates, my life has been full of MIRACLES.

I know that many of you are to thank for the miracles. You are the ones who have prayed for, fasted for, cried for and loved me when I needed it the most. Thank you.

The truth is, I am doing so much better now that I sometimes feel guilty "taking" anything more for myself. I believe I have had the miracles I sought from God, so perhaps this phase of my life is coming to an end. The miracles, I believe will never cease, but maybe "A Miracle for Jodi Brown" should. Perhaps it is time to end the blog, so I can turn all my attention back to my family.

When I contemplate this question, I find myself asking one main thing, "Who are you writing the blog for?" Is this for me? Is this for you? Is this for my family? The answer is, yes, to all three. The blog is a place where I can be totally honest with how I am feeling at any moment, I can shed my tears, invest my hopes, pray for miracles and vent to the world, all in my "little" online universe. It is extremely helpful and therapeutic for me, especially on the really hard days.

Someday, I also hope my children and family will be able to read my words, and yours, and know there is a loving God who cares deeply about each of us, and our struggles. I also want them to know that people are good, and they help each other, even those they do not know.

I also have to admit that I have grown to love all of you. I love the "you've got mail" feeling of seeing that some of you have left comments for me to read. They lift my spirits, make me laugh and help me remember what is important in life. Not to mention, they have kept me going when times were really tough. I also enjoy the relationships I have with so many of you, who have emailed, left comments, sent cards and love as you have gone on this journey with me. Some days, I am only thinking of you when I write.

The dichotomy is that I both dread and look forward to the end. I look forward to being WHOLE and fully investing ALL of myself in my family again, but I also dread the thought of losing all of you, as you are so dear to my heart, whether we know each other or not. But, I also wonder if I have "anything" left that is worthy of your precious time and attention.

So, what do YOU think? Where are we on this little timeline of blog life? The beginning, middle or end?? My love to all of you. :)

. . . . .Finding the Good, Better, Best

2010-08-19T09:12:00.004-06:00

Last year, a wonderful talk was given by religious leader, Dallin Oaks. He challenged us to find the BEST ways to use our time, talents and energies. He reminded us there would be many good and better ways to spend our time, but we should focus on those that would be the BEST use of our time.

School starts next week for my children, as so do all their fall activities. I have found myself stressed over the last weeks, trying to fogure out how we are going to have the time and money for the variety of activities our children want to participate in. The calendar began to fill and I quickly realized that every afternoon and evening (plus some mornings) would be taken with activities for our children.

After a long discussion with Tolan, we have decided it is just too much for the family, and not the BEST use of my time, or the children's time, to be engaged in so many activities. So, I have been un-enrolling kids from activities all week. Already I feel a sigh of relief to know that we have been freed from the entanglements of the world, even the "good" ones.

We will all still have plenty of activities to do, but time together as a family is far more important to us now, and we are confident the BEST way we can spend our time is TOGETHER. :)

. . . . . . Surgery Post-Op Appointment

2010-08-16T17:36:00.004-06:00

Today I had a post-op with Dr. Kim. He is my normal oculoplastic surgeon and he will be doing all my follow-ups since Dr. Levine is so far away.

The good news is that my eye looks great (for 11 days post-op, that is). There is very little swelling and almost no bruising left. It is truly remarkable, no, more than that, miraculous is more like it. The docs and their patients all told me to expect terrible swelling and bruising for 3 weeks, with complete recovery in 3 months. In comparison to that time frame, my recovery is truly miraculous. :)

My stitches came out and everything from the procedure looks good. I still cannot blink, and I hope that will come in time, as the rest of the swelling goes away and things settles into place. I emailed Dr. Levine with more post-op questions, so I hope to have a few more answers soon.

The bad news is my vision has gotten worse out of my right eye, a lot worse. I was 20/50, now I am 20/200. Yikes. Dr. Kim said it is because I have "shagreen" which is essentially like having scales (they refer to it as crocodile shagreen) on the eye. Some of the "scales" are normal, but mine are particularly bad now, causing the poor vision. This is likely a result of overexposure and trauma to the eye from everything over the last few weeks, including tests, surgery, contacts, dry air..... So, hopefully it is temporary.

I still have a long way to go, but Dr. Kim was clearly impressed with how far I have come. He said the brow lift looked beautiful and makes me look much more normal (I agree!). He also said there are surgeons who can help fix my smile by literally "pinning" it up from my temple and hooking the corner of my mouth. Strange thought, but no stranger than a spring in my eye. :)

So, a good appointment overall, with plenty of room still for improvement. Check out today's eye pics.

. . . . . . . The Importance of Friends

2010-08-14T10:43:00.004-06:00

For making me smile and lifting my spirits, thank you, dear friends. For sending me flowers and cards of care, thank you, dear friends. For calling and emailing and bringing over dinner and treats, thank you, dear friends.

Good friends are sooo important! I truly appreciate all the kindness that has been shown to our family this week. Thanks to Cami and Heidi for wonderful meals, to Randy for his always heartfelt sentiments and card, to the gang at OC Tanner for the beautiful flowers, to my sisters and my mom, for listening when times were tough, to my dad for being so faithful at checking up on me, and to my amazing husband for taking care of EVERYTHING when I couldn't! Oh, and to our dear, dear friends, the Rhoads, thank you for driving up here to spend the day and evening with us. It was a wonderful visit, a fun BBQ, and the kids had a blast at the river!!!

This river is just about 2 minutes from our house, it is just like a scene out of the movies, with a water hole, rope swing and a rafting area! I love where we live! :)

I love you all and the amazing support you give me, especially when times are tough! Thank you!

. . . . . . Weighty Matters

2010-08-11T14:13:00.003-06:00

It is probably good that I didn't write a post yesterday, as I was an emotional basket case most of the day. My apologies to anyone who happened to call or stop by, and therefore became a victim of my tears and blubbering.

Let's just say that it takes me a day or two to get a grip when reality strikes and I realize that there is no such thing as a "fix" to my issues. I am so ready to be better, to be well, to be whole, but that day will have to wait. Until then, the "hard" days will happen from time to time. I guess that is life.

I have finished some of my meds, so I have fewer side effects to deal with now, meaning I should not have as many dizzy spells, balance issues, headaches and mood swings. That is great news.

My eye is looking great, all things considered. I cannot believe how quickly it is looking better. It is still not functioning the way it will, but progress is happening.

After surgery last week, they gave me back the gold weight that was in my eye since last June. Strange to see this little piece of gold and realize that it was part of me.

Notice the curved shape, which was supposed to fit the contour of my eye.

My kids were hoping it would be worth a lot of money, since it is 24 carat gold, however, according to the price of gold today (which is near an all-time high), I figure it is worth about $70. We could melt it down, but it would hardly be worth the effort, I'd rather keep the gold weight as it is. It is part of my history, part of me. And, I KNOW that one day, photos, eye patches and gold weights will be the only physical reminders of my challenges. So, I better keep it, just for proof. :)

. . . . . Spinning Around

2010-08-09T17:41:00.002-06:00

Nearly 18 months ago, not knowing what was going on inside my head, I put a status update on my Facebook account that simply stated, "Jodi is dizzy." An old friend that I haven't seen in years jokingly replied, "Then stop spinning around in circles."

How I wish I could stop spinning now. The medications I am on following my surgery have several side effects, and in pure Jodi fashion, I am experiencing many of them. I am quite dizzy, off balance and have headaches again. It is eerily reminiscent to my condition last year before my brian surgery. Not wanting to go back there again, I will gladly take this instead. Still, I hope that as I finish my meds in the next few days/weeks, I will be able to put my head on straight and stop spinning around in circles.

And, selfishly, I want the process to go faster. The doctors told me it would take 2-3 weeks for my body to feel better and 3 months for my eye to look normal. In the scheme of things, that is nothing. And, in reality, I am progressing much faster than they had hoped. But, last night I couldn't help but wish I could just be totally healed, all at once. I know that is selfish, for there are so many whose maladies are so much harder and worse than my own right now, but sometimes I still feel that way. I want to be me again, in body and spirit. Funny how one day I can feel so blessed for my body, the next so overcome by it not working the way I want it to.

Agh, enough wallowing. Thank you again for all the wonderful notes of encouragement and love. It is your prayers and faith that have helped get me this far, so I should not complain to you, but rather, simply say "Thank You", dear friends for your support.

. . . . . Family Update

2010-08-08T15:51:00.006-06:00

Now I know for sure that the Lord sustained me during the funeral and the days following my surgery. I know because now I feel like I should have felt then. I have slept a ton and I still can't quite get feeling better yet, but that will come in time.

I did go to an hour of church today, and despite not physically feeling well, I was glad I went. I always feel the love of my friends and neighbors, as well as the love of my Savior when I go.

But, clearly I still have more recovering to do before I am functioning again. One positive note, the doctor in CA told me that because of my facial paralysis, the swelling would be either delayed or not as bad as normal, because my glands don't work and don't send the water signals properly. So, the good news is my swelling is at a minimum, though the lovely, flattering photos below will show that the bruising has set in.

Oh, and my nose is crooked now, too. That's a new one, but I guess it is because the paraylzed muscles and good muscles are pulling things in opposite directions but the forces are uneven, so I am crooked, yet again. All in time...

This is a good reminder, once again, that our physical bodies are not representative of our spirits. I am not my bruised and battered face. Inside, I like to think I am glowing after all the love I have felt and lessons I have learned from God.

I wanted to give an update on my sister, Tami, and her baby, Kurt. He is only a month old now and went in for a CT scan Thursday to check on the status of his CCAM tumor. Well, it is bigger than they thought (4.5 x 3.5 2.5 centimeters) and in a lower lobe of his lung. What's worse, it is still growing, fairly rapidly. The surgeon told Tami to pay attention to his condition constantly and if ever ANYTHING appears of out the ordinary to take him into the hospital. They will have to do surgery, but they hope to wait until he is a little bigger and stronger. Please include them in your prayers so we can have miracles for little Kurt, too!

While you are at it, please pray for my sister, Kristi, as well. She is in the process of being diagnosed for a still unknown disorder that is causing her to grow cysts throughout her body and put on massive weight gain. She is tired all the time and her hormones and entire body is out of whack. The process of figuring it out is very long, as there are literally thousands of potential causes they are sorting through. This is difficult both physically and emotionally as they try to figure out why her body is fighting against itself.

So, if you have enough energy left to exert on our family, please add my sisters to your list! Thank you! I love you all!

. . . . . . . Home again, home again

2010-08-07T11:34:00.005-06:00

We pulled into our comfy Riverdale home at 1:15 this morning, after a long drive home yesterday. We slept in late this morning and I'd like to say that I am feeling great today, but instead I feel hammered. I feel truly blessed and I believe the Lord (and all of your prayers) sustained me over the last 2 days, and now my body knows it can rest for a bit.

So, honestly, today I feel like I've been hit by a truck, not a big semi or anything, maybe just a small lightweight. Still, I need to rest, rest, rest. But, the best part is I can close my eye! I am so overwhelmed by this simple action, I cry when I think about it! what a tremendous blessing!!

We had such a whirlwind week, I honestly cannot believe we made it through everything, drive to CA, surgery, three big trips into LA ans Beverly Hills, the funeral and the drive home, all in 4.5 days. Tolan is amazing and took care of all of us.

There are so many beautiful pictures and stories from the funeral, but they will have to wait til I have more energy to post them. For now, here are a few pics of my eye.

Right after surgery, before too much swelling had set in. Looks pretty good, all things considered.

The swelling is going down today, but the bruising under the eye is setting in. Still, good progress...and I CAN BLINK!!! (It will be better once the swelling goes down.)

Thank you again for all your support and prayers!

Post Op Checkup

2010-08-05T21:27:00.002-06:00

Well Jodi had a full day, going to grandpas funeral this morning and then off to her post op check. The funeral was very nice and felt like a good closure to saying goodbye.

She said she felt pretty good when she got up this morning, there was less bruising and swelling than she or the doctors expected. (Saying that, she still has a good shiner) :-) The doctors said she looked "great!" She has some stiches that need to be removed, some of which Tolan can take out. The others she will need to go into an eye doctor in 10 days for the removal of.

I talked to Jodi earlier and she said last night when she was going to bed that she could blink, it was very emotional for her, she then said a prayer of thanks for this gift. (Not being able to blink for 15 months would sure be annoying.) Everytime I am with Jodi I am amazed at how well she has handled this frustration, even though you can tell it is a huge inconvience. Hooray for a working eyelid! :-)

Now she is anxious to get home, we aren't sure if she will make the drive with Tolan or fly home....

Thanks again for all the prayers!

Tami

Surgery Update From Jodi's View

2010-08-04T20:59:00.005-06:00

Right now I am on the phone with my dad who just got off the phone with Jodi, so here is an update from Jodi through my dad, then through me. :-)

Here is what he is telling me that Jodi wants to share with everyone:

-The surgery lasted about 5 1/2 hours
-The doctor feels like it went well
-It took Jodi longer to come out of the anesthesia than they had expected, she was still feeling the effects of it 11 hours later
-As a part of the surgical process they had her blinking to test the spring, and she was actually able to blink a number of times, she was so excited that she could blink for the first time in over a year that she wanted to give the doctor a hug and wanted to cry, but couldn't cry because that eye won't cry :-)
-They did an eyebrow lift in order to make her eyebrow even with the her left side and inserted a prosthetic to hold it in place that will dissolve over time
-She is on several medications, including a pain killer, a steroid to help keep the swelling down and an antibiotic to keep off any infection
-Right now the eyelid is swollen so she can only open the eyelid a little, and around the eye it is pretty black and blue (she is expecting to be more black and blue tomorrow and in a larger area because of the lift that was also done) she has been keeping ice packs on it
-They didn't cover her eye up with a patch because it will heal faster if it is exposed to the natural air
-The plan is to try and get some sleep tonight so she can go to Grandpas funeral tomorrow and go to her post op exam in the afternoon

Yesterday they did some testing on how much moisture her eyes produce, her right eye only produced 20% of what it should. The surgery she had today won't correct that problem..the doctor is having her wear a contact to help keep moisture in for a month or longer.

Jodi wants to thank everyone again for the thoughts and prayers, she along with all of us knows they make a huge difference and are felt everyday.

So hopefully Jodi comes home black and blue and swollen like she has been in a good fight, but can BLINK! :-) It makes me cry and smile to think of her being able to do what seems like such a small thing for the rest of us again! Love you Jo!

Tami

(She also wanted me to make sure and include that if any of you have any more prayers left in you that I would appreciate any prayers on behalf of my little baby Kurt. He is going in for a cat scan in the morning to see how the tumor in his lungs is affecting his little body. Thank you, thank you!)

She's Done!

2010-08-04T17:06:00.002-06:00

The doctor said things went well, the hardest part was getting Jodi to wake up so that he could have her blink and test the spring.

Surgery Update???

2010-08-04T13:18:00.003-06:00

I know there are some that have probably been checking the blog today looking for updates on Jodi's surgery...well we don't have much of an update.

Jodi has been in surgery for about 2 1/2 hours and Tolan isn't expecting any news for 3-4 more hours. The doctors told him that he wouldn't even see Jodi until she was ready to be loaded into the car to leave. (I thought that was a little strange.)

The doctor said the suregery would probably take around 3 hours, but the nurse told Tolan that this particular doctor is such a perfectionist, it always takes longer than he thinks and that it would be closer to 5-6 hours.

So that is basically all I know...

Keep praying and thinking of Jodi. I am really hopeful that this surgery will help her...that she might be able to see, and drive, and go outside on a windy day among other things again.

Tami

. . . . . . . 14 Hours and Counting Down (and Rodeo Drive)

2010-08-03T18:00:00.005-06:00

It has been a very long day, and it is only 5pm, here in California. Tolan and I left over 8 hours ago to go to my pre-op appointment, which ended up taking the entire day. We are exhausted. And, we leave in 12 hours to go back again for a much longer, harder day tomorrow.

The office was downtown Beverly Hills, in fact, we parked on Rodeo Drive. But, we didn't get to enjoy any of the glamour and glitz because we spent the entire day in the office. It was a much harder office visit than I anticipated. Getting fitted for the spring was an interesting process, the wire for my eye was literally right up against my eyeball, as they replicated the curvature for the spring. At different times, they also put litmus paper in both of my eyes, poked my eyes to see if my right eye is numb (turns out, I only have about 25% feeling in my right eye), and poked and prodded dozens of different ways.

It turns out that my kind of facial paralysis, with nerves 5, 7, and 8 being damaged, is significantly worse than just 5 or 7, both of which affect the eye. The doctor also plans to do a slight brow lift so that my right side is symmetrical with my left. A little plastic surgery anyone? That is why most people would go to a doctor in Beverly Hills, right? They will also have to cut and tighten my eye muscles to adapt to the new spring when it is implanted. So, the recovery will be much more than just my eye. I will look like I have been beaten up, but hopefully it will all be worth it!

The surgery will start at 9am tomorrow, though we have to leave here at 5:30am to be there by 8am. I have been calm the whole time, but my nerves are starting to get to me. It sounds like the procedure will be very long, lasting most of the day. Part of the time I will have to be awake so they can test to see if the "blink" works. Fun. Fun. Fun.

Prayers would be lovely, if you happen to think of us tomorrow. Someone in the family will try to post updates throughout the day. Thanks so much! I love you all!

. . . . . . . . A Long Road Ahead

2010-08-02T13:56:00.003-06:00

Flexibility is a key to managing life and enjoying the journey. Our plans all changed after we learned of Grandpa's passing on Friday. Now we are on a different path than we expected. Instead of flying to California today, we are on the road, driving, to allow us more flexibility to accommodate for the funeral and my post-operative doctor's appointments. I am still planning to have surgery on Wednesday, with my pre-ops all day tomorrow.

Therefore, the road ahead is literally a long one. After a great stay in St. George last night with our friends, we are on the road again, with 6 more hours to go. The long hot Nevada desert is ahead of us. Thank heavens we live in a day of air conditioning...oh, and wireless computer connections.

Tolan's family will all be converging in La Habra within a few days. It will be another family reunion, full of love, hugs, laughter and some tears.

Oh, one little miracle happened yesterday! As we were descending into St. George, my ear "popped" for the first time in almost 15 months! I have no idea (medically) how this happened, since my eustation tube is sealed, but it did and I am now able to pressurize a little bit! That means not as much pressure or as severe headaches upon changing elevations! Wow. I continue to feel blessed that the Lord is still healing me, one day at a time!

Here's to safe travels ahead!

. . . . . . . Tribute to Grandpa George Pringle

2010-07-31T12:03:00.003-06:00

Last night we got the call. Our beloved Grandpa, George Pringle, passed away. He is Tolan's grandfather, but I have also adopted him as my own for the last 14 years. His life, as well as his death, were simply amazing.

Yesterday morning, Grandpa went golfing, just like he does every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He drove himself to the golf course, enjoyed his morning and came home. In the afternoon, an old friend came by for a visit. As they sat in his front room, visiting and reminiscing, Grandpa simply leaned his head back on his chair, and he was gone.

His grandson, Ryan, was only 3 miles from the house when the call came. Ryan did a U-turn and was there in moments. He left the paramedics know that Grandpa did not want to be resuscitated or put on life support. At 90 years old (last month!), having outlived 2 wives, he was ready to go. So, the paramedics took Ryan's word, as a family member, and they let Grandpa go.

What a tender mercy that the Lord allowed everything to work out in just the way it did. There was no suffering, no weeks spent in a hospital or nursing home. He played golf and had a good day, and then he was gone. He was not alone, and his grandson was able to be there in the end.

We are so happy for Grandpa and the reunion he is having now with sweet Grandma Carrie and Grandma Helen Pringle. He loved and missed them both so much. I can only imagine the tender moments they have shared over the last 20 hours.

Grandpa was one of the most faithful and righteous men I have ever met. I feel so privileged to have so many men of high caliber in my life. My whole family learned so much from him. His faith and prayers were powerful enough to change lives, mine included.

I will never forget his healing blessing for me, when I was in the hospital, literally dying. Just a few weeks ago, he and I tried together to remember the words from that special prayer. Neither of us could remember anything, but one particular line, which we both knew, almost word for word. I guess that is the one that mattered the most.

We love you Grandpa Pringle. We are so happy for you. Please tell the Grandmas how much we love and miss them, too. We look forward to seeing you again and having a joyous family reunion. But not yet.

All of these photos were taken just a few weeks ago, on Grandpa's last visit to Utah and the cabin in Montana. What a blessing we got to spend so much time with him!

. . . . . . Countdown to Surgery

2010-07-29T15:34:00.003-06:00

6 Days and counting...

Will it really work? This time next week, will I be able to blink?? Will I regain the freedoms I lost nearly 15 months ago when my face was paralyzed after my brain surgery? Will I be free from the headaches, pressure and vision problems? Will I be able to drive again? Will I be able to go outside and play with my children? Will I be able to go swimming, take a shower or play in the rain? Will I be able to stick my head out the window and let the wind blow in my face? Will I finally be free from my eye patches? Will I be able to sit under a hairdryer at the hair salon? Will I be able to go out in the sunlight? Will I be able to work outside and not be impacted by my eye? Will I regain my depth perception? Will I really be able to see the world again? Is it really possible?

Though I still overwhelmed with working out all the details for our trip next week, I cannot help but have high hopes and great expectations for the results of my upcoming procedure. I have come so far in the last year, this feels like one of the last big steps to truly recovering and becoming me again!!!

Tonight, when you thank God for your blessings, please remember to tell Him how grateful you are that you can blink! It may seem like a small thing, but even God's small masterpieces are far more powerful and important than we realize!

. . . . . Family Time

2010-07-28T14:27:00.008-06:00

Recently we spent a week in Hebgan Lake, Montana, with my dear hubby's family. What a blessing that I married into a family that is so amazing. We had 25 people in one cabin and didn't have so much as a single fight, not between the kids or the adults. It was a grand adventure that I hope to remember forever. These photos ought to help accomplish that...

Tolan and his Grandpa, George Pringle. They are alike in sooo many ways, not just their looks! ;)

The sharp shooters and their target.

During the trip, we had a photographer come to the cabin and do a family photo shoot, of each individual family, and the group as a whole. They will be cherished pictures of our family in one of our favorite places on Earth.

The gang's all here! The Larry and Kay Brown family!!!
The cousins, trying so hard to hold still for "just one more" picture.

George Pringle and daughter, Georgia Kay Pringle Brown.

Larry and Kay Brown.

Me and my sweetheart. Considering the subjects she had to work with, we think the photographer did a great job. :)

Lisa and Leeland Zeller and family.

My husband's family, Lisa, Teresa, George Pringle, Kay, Larry, Mindy and Tolan Brown.

Teresa and Jared Layton's family, with newly adopted daughter, Valencia, from Haiti.

Michael and Mindy Walker and family.

Our little family in our favorite spot! A wonderful vacation with a wonderful family!

. . . . . . Transformation Fun

2010-07-25T15:11:00.005-06:00

I discovered a wonderful place a few months ago, Di-Vine Consignment, a darling new shop just a mile from my house. I went in and instantly became friends with Raven, the store's owner. She takes old junk and transforms it into beautiful pieces of furniture. This week I saw a bench she is working on that used to be a bed headboard. She is truly genious!

Searching for a new chair for my living room, I cam across some old dining chairs and fell in love. Though I had just one chair in mind, the set called to me, so I purchased the second after I got the first one home. :)

I was going to strip and stain the pair, but something about the handmade look of the carvings and the color made me decide to leave the finish just as it is. All I did was recover the cushions, adding a 3 inch memory foam seat for a nice soft place to sit and striped fabric to tie in the room with my kitchen. Voila. Simple, not quite as easy as I had planned, but easy enough. Another transformation project, complete!

My newly refinished chairs, cleaned up, polished, and with new seats and fabric!

I also have another transformation project that took a while longer to complete. I love to garden, I get great satisfaction out of growing things. I wanted a bigger garden space (I used to have three 4ft. square garden boxes) so I decided to tear out the grass and create a much larger garden space. My dear hubby's engineering design skills took over and he designed and built me a whole new garden space!

My new space has two rows, each 3 feet wide, with walking spaces in between (cushioned with rubber mulch), then two rows, each 2 feet wide, for smaller plants and vine growers. Can't wait to eat the fruits of our labors!

It took much longer to complete than we thought, so it won't be full this year, but next year, my garden will surely be blossoming with home grown goodness!

. . . . . . . This is the Place

2010-07-24T13:19:00.003-06:00

Today, the 24th of July, marks Pioneer Day in Utah, the anniversary of when Brigham Young entered the valley for the first time and declared this was the place they were going to settle.

Now the valley is full of life, unlike the desert scene of 170 years ago. And, today I declare that this IS the place for my family to be. I have thought numerous times about the "coincidences" of having one of the world's best neurosurgeons here, one of the only people able to remove a tumor such as mine. In addition, the surgeon who pioneered the procedure that sealed my spinal fluid leak, the only man in the country who has successfully performed this operation, is also right here. There are only 5 locations in the country where there are therapists for facial paralysis. Yes, Salt Lake City is one.

Here we are surrounded by wonderful friends and neighbors, who truly care for each other and serve one another. They have taken care of our family during the worst of times, and celebrated with us during the best of times. Here, in this place, family is still important and love matters above all else.

Again and again, I have realized that the Lord blesses our lives, and this is just one more way. Tolan and I have long desired to travel and live in different places in the world, but we have always felt compelled to stay right here. For us, this truly is the right place.

. . . . . . . A Man Named Robert

2010-07-21T10:07:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I met a man named Robert. He and his sweet smile touched my life. I noticed that his left eye was blind and scarred, so I gently asked him what happened. He was burned by chemicals while working on an air conditioner 11 years ago. His eye was blinded immediately and has continued to degenerate in physical appearance since that time. After his accident, he suffered from depression, until his wife "gently" made him get up and not give up.

Then he asked what was wrong with my eye. He had also noticed me and wondered if we would be able to talk. What a blessing that we did.

Robert reminded me that we are so much more than what our bodies appear to be. We are the living representation of our souls and spirits. Our actions, not our physical appearances, make up who we Really are.

After 15 minutes of sharing stories and relating in ways that few others can, we parted ways. I put out my hand and said, "Robert, my name is Jodi, it was so nice to meet you." He wished me well and asked for a hug. Some would disapprove of hugging a "stranger", but Robert is not a stranger, just a heartfelt friend from before this life that I was privileged to finally meet again.

. . . . . Emotions

2010-07-19T12:38:00.002-06:00

There is nothing "wrong" today, and yet I cannot stop the tears. My body feels exhausted from a busy weekend and my mind is tired from trying to prepare for my upcoming surgery. I have spent the morning on the phone with the insurance company and with various family members and friends, trying to figure out how to make everything work.

I still have to book airline tickets, a rental car and make all the arrangements, but today, all I want to do is cuddle up in my bed, have a good cry and read a book.

The current plan is to fly to CA the first week in August, with the actual procedure taking place on Wednesday, and the post-ops on Thursday and Friday. So, I have 2 weeks to get ready, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Please, I know I have asked a million times before, but a few prayers would be great. Thanks. Love you all.

. . . . . . Setting a Surgery Date

2010-07-16T10:59:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I went to my occuplastic surgeon (a fancy name for my opthamologist who does specialty surgery) for a consultation before scheduling the eye "spring" surgery in California. Here are the results of that appointment:

* My right eye continues to have decreased vision due to complications from the paralysis. It is getting slightly better, but still nowhere near the vision of my left eye.

* I have several small scratches and dry spots on my cornea. All of these should be able to be repaired once I can blink again.

* The ONLY option I have left if I want to blink (unless or until my blinking ability returns on its own) is to have the eyelid spring surgery. There are no other options.

* Dr. Kim (Moran Eye Center) said to be skeptical and ask lots of questions prior to the procedure, including:

1. Will the material used for the spring have any reactions in the body?
2. How long will the spring last? Will I have to have a replacement spring/surgery in the future?
3. Is extrusion a possibility (the spring pokes through the skin)?
4. What is the recovery like? How long will I be "down"?
5. How much swelling will take place?
6. Will I have to go back to CA for appointments, check ups or "tune ups"?
7. What are the possible side effects?

These are all good questions, some of which I have already asked. The surgery itself is pretty brutal (about 7 hours long, you have to be awake much of the time). Once I have all the rest of the questions answered, we're setting a date!

We are looking at the first or second week in August, so I can be finished and functioning again before the kids start school. So much to do between now and then!

. . . . . Earthly Goodbyes

2010-07-13T17:30:00.002-06:00

It seems like it has been weeks since I have slept in my own bed. In reality, I have slept there once in the last 10 days. Sunday we came to be with the family to attend my uncle's funeral yesterday. It was an amazing day.

In life, I learned hundreds of lessons from my uncle, Joel. Even after his death, I continued to learn from this great man.

Joel was the eldest child of my father's family. He took over the position as "DAD" when my father's own dad left the family. Joel was a father to my dad his whole life. He taught him, tutored him, and acted as his example throughout his life. The tributes made to Joel yesterday reminded me that though I knew a wonderful man, I knew very little about this man.

After his death, his family retrieved the binder Joel had left behind, complete with instructions for after his passing. One of the most impressive things he did was to leave behind a sympathy card for his family members. He made sure that the first one they received was from him! :) He also said, "If you are reading this, I must be dead. Get over it. I am fine, it is much better here." His humor was contagious and all of those present caught it during the memorial service.

My favorite Joel item of the day was his casket. He left specific instructions that he did not want a big, expensive casket. He wanted a pine box. Not a pine casket, a pine box, and that is exactly what he got: a beautiful pine box. Upon first glance, it looked a little rudimentary, but in reality, it was amazing, in so many ways. Covered with a floral bouquet, the remainder of the "box" was used to write personal messages in permanent marker to uncle Joel. We all had the chance to leave him our final thoughts, memories and love, in a personal way that was meant just for him. In the end, the pine box was the perfect casket for this man who knew the real meaning of life, and death.

The family visited during the afternoon and we all enjoyed the reunion. Joel's dear wife still suffers from cancer, so we promised we would all continue the prayers, on her behalf, and we will.

It was a beautiful day of honoring, remembering, visiting and loving each other. The reminders of the importance of family were lessons I will remember forever!

. . . . . . Tribute to Uncle Joel

2010-07-10T18:59:00.003-06:00

My uncle, Joel Ivan Orgill, passed away this week, on July 7, 2010. I wish we had lived closer so I could have spent more time with him, but I will never forget his words of wisdom, his example and his loving advice.

Joel suffered with cancer for the last few years of his life. He outlived the doctors expectations and amazed every one who knew him. He was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer but did not give up or give in. When I was diagnosed, 2 years later, he called me and gave me wonderful advice on how to survive and thrive, despite my tumor. He gave me reasons to hope, laugh, live and love. He inspired me and reminded me to stay positive and be grateful, no matter how hard things got.

All those who knew him learned from his righteous example. His loving family should be proud of their husband, father and grandfather. I know he is still having a joyous reunion with his dear mother. I hope he tells her how much we all love and miss her, too.

We will miss you, Unca Joel. See you on the other side, but not yet. :)

. . . . . . 300 Posts And Family News

2010-07-05T08:26:00.005-06:00

Happy 4th of July! Wow, what a weekend this has been! On Saturday my wonderful, amazing mom celebrated her birthday. I wish we all could have been together, but schedules just didn't work out that way. Still, happy day to my mom, she is one of a kind!

In other family news, my sister, Tami, had a baby this morning, at 5:13am! Baby boy is yet to be named, but is a healthy 8 pounds 9 ounces and 20 inches long. The best part is, so far the little guy appears to be doing well. He has a tumor in his lungs that the doctors have been watchin for 5 months now. The tumor has continued to grow, but moved away from his heart, which is good. So, for now, he is with his mom and the doctors will determine the next step in the next hours/days/weeks of his life. He will have to have surgery, but we are hoping he can get a little bigger and stronger before that happens. Prayers please!

We are so grateful that Tami and baby are doing well and hope and pray for the best outcome possible!

Tami and her new baby boy, at 5:23 this morning! :)

So, a few smarties out there figured out a mathematical way to determine the number of posts on the blog, and they were right! This post marks th 300th post on the blog since it was started last April! And the winners are....

Heather Peters and Julie Johnson!

Congrats! Your winnings will be sent to you soon. Please email me your address so I can get your gift cards to you!

Oh, and one more piece of news. Yesterday I talked to a woman who recently had the spring surgery for her eye. She provided me with many details about the procedure and life with an eye spring. Though the process is far more complicated than I anticipated, and the surgery is much longer and harder on the body than I had hoped, I am more convinced than ever that I need to have this done...soon! So, details need to be worked out, but my hope is to have surgery before the kids go back to school. More details will come later.

Thanks to all of you for your continued support and love!

. . . . . To Operate or Not to Operate?

2010-07-01T12:41:00.004-06:00

For some time now, I have been having real troubles with my eye, caused from the facial paralysis. As I have mentioned before, not blinking is bad news for the eye. It causes dryness, irritation, and problems with depth perception, vision and sensitivity to light. In addition, my trusty eye patches, which give me relief from the issues, have side effects, too. When I wear my eye patches, I develop terrible headaches and I still have depth perception problems. All of these things also make it so I cannot drive, which is a HUGE loss of freedom and independence. This is nothing new, but the weather has attributed to making it worse than normal lately.

So, the big question is, should I get the operation to fix my eye or just "give it more time"? It has been 14 months since my paralysis, and therefore 14 months since I have blinked. In eye years, that is a very long time! The "spring" surgery would implant a spring into my eyelid (where the gold weight is currently - it would be removed) and help the eye to close, by the force of the spring. My gold weight was supposed to do this, but my paralysis was too strong and it never really worked. The recommended doctor is the best in the world at this and works with patients until they have success. Many patients keep the spring in for 6 months to a year after the return of their eye nerves and muscles, just because the process is so slow. Even once progress begins, it can be months or years until full functioning returns (if ever). And, the spring can be removed later if the eye function returns. That's all the good news.

The bad news is, the doctor is in California, which is out-of-network for my insurance, and I would have all the travel costs, plus additional out-of-pocket costs for the surgery. The costs are "unplanned" so therefore, not budgeted for. It would require a minimum of 4-5 days in CA (and sadly my hubby has used up most of his time off), so we would need to figure out if he (or someone else) could be with me in California, plus what to do with the kids here, or what to do with them there. Lots of questions currently unanswered.

So, this is my current dilemma. If I could, I would get on a plane and get it taken care of now. Today. Any pilots available for a fun jaunt to Cali? I'm there. :) Please chime in with your thoughts or suggestions.

On another note, I met with my fabulous facial therapist, Janene, again today. She praised me for the progress I have made and called me a hero for all I have overcome. I love this lady, even though I barely know her!

I have more exercises to do so I can hopefully make more progress, smile my smile, and one day be able to eat and drink without "dripping". The exercises wear out my face as much as your muscles would be sore and worn out after a big workout. Strange, but good.

So, while you are out for a jog, or lifting weights, think of me practicing my smile, pout, snarl and lip presses. We will both be worn out when we are finished.

Make sure to post a comment and guess to enter the current contest from my last post! You still have a few more days to enter!

. . . . . . . Celebrating Again!

2010-06-29T09:43:00.002-06:00

Sometime during the night while I was sleeping peacefully, my little blog received its 30,000th visit (since September, 2009)! Wow! I continue to be amazed! In addition, this week we will hit another milestone, and if you can guess what it is, you could be a winner!!!

This week will mark how many posts since the start of the blog? Mark your guess in a comment and you could win a fabulous gift card! Everyone loves to win, so give me a guess!

A) 300 posts
B) 400 posts
C) 500 posts

That's all there is to it, A, B, or C. If you reallllly want to win, you could go back and count them all, but I'd hate for anyone to waste that much time! :) So, just estimate and give it your best shot. Even previous winners can enter to win again. All winning guesses will be in the prize drawing!

BTW, I have been told by some local companies that I can get gift cards to give away for free on the blog if I use this for marketing. Since I don't have endless funds to purchase prizes, here's the deal:

For every person you refer to the blog and they 1) post a comment with a guess to win, OR 2) sign up to "follow" the blog, you get your name entered into the drawing twice (no correct guess needed)! Yep, that's 2 chances for every person you refer. New readers also receive 2 chances to win (no correct guess needed). They simply need to list your name with theirs on their comment, or send me an email with the info. Easy as pie. (Now, if the companies follow through and give me the gift cards, I will do a little shameless promoting. :)

Good luck!

. . . . . . . We're All Family

2010-06-28T10:26:00.003-06:00

This morning I received a phone call from my dear friend, Randy. He and I have served together in church and been friends for about 5 years now. He was excited to tell me a story from yesterday, when he went to his parents' home for dinner. It turns out that his niece is dating my cousin. They figured out the connection when Randy's sister shared a story about her brain tumor experience (eerily similar to my own). At that time, Brian mentioned his cousin had a brain tumor last year. Randy's wife made the connection and soon they were sharing my stories from the last year.

It's funny how "small" the world is. It really is a small, small world in so many ways. We are all so connected to each other, through family, friends, and faith. Randy and I may end up becoming "family" if his niece and my cousin get married, but even if we don't he still feels like family to me. And, as he reminded me today, we really are all family anyway. Somewhere down our family lines, we have a common thread. And, more importantly, we are all children of God, and that makes us brothers and sisters in the Gospel.

It has been years since I have seen my cousin, Brian, and his family. I am glad my good friend helped us get together in spirit, if not in person. His mom is an angel who visited me and brought me strength in the hospital when my struggles were far greater than they are now. I have a great love for that family, though I don't see or know them as well as I'd like.

I am also so grateful for all of you, my "extended family". It is your strength that keeps me going. Thank you.

. . . . . . Sleeping in Your Own Bed

2010-06-25T14:46:00.007-06:00

No matter how much you love a vacation, a trip around the world, or camping in the great outdoors, there is just something wonderful about coming home and sleeping in your own bed again. :) Is it the comfort of being back where you belong? Is it the reassurance that you know exactly what to expect in your surroundings? Whatever it is, it is a warm, welcome feeling. I enjoyed that feeling until my little Daven squeaked open my bedroom door and awoke me this morning, with the cutest plea, "Mom, can I have breakfast now?"

This week the kids and I went to Orem and stayed with my mom. She is here from Hawaii to help when my sister's baby comes (any day now!!). So, we had a great time with Grandma and the cousins. We had so many wonderful adventures! We went to BYU campus and played in the streams, got candy, and hiked around. We went to the pool. We went to Bridal Veil Falls. We got snow cones. We played at the park. We had family dinners and barbeques. We roasted marshmellows. We did all the things summer is made of.

One of my favorite activities was watching my brother, Scott, cut out cardboard swords for each of the 8 kids. Each sword was 3 cardboard layers deep, then covered in duct tape, for extra strength, of course. Of all the things we did that week, they were most enthralled with the cardboard swords, of course!

I took a ton of picture, (okay, not a ton, only 158), but here are just a few of my favorites. Perhaps there will be another 158 summer photos by next week. :)

. . . . . The Path of Life

2010-06-20T08:55:00.007-06:00

I have often referred to life as a journey, one in which we are placed on a certain path on Earth and our challenge is to travel that path the best we can.

This weekend my family went on a hike, and they all expected me to stay home, but I decided to go, to both strengthen and test my body. As the hike, or path, began, I remembered the achy feelings in my legs that come from this type of movement. It was a mental game and many times, I thought to myself I just have to move one foot in front of the other, just keep moving, just keep moving.

At times, the path was sandy, steep, rocky, or muddy, but we all kept going. As our journey on the path continued, I felt myself becoming invigorated, I knew I was going to make it! Just as we neared the top, we had to pass an area covered in small rocks on a steep slope. I told the children to be careful not to fall. We were only yards away from the top, when I stepped on a loose rock and fell to the ground. I hit hard on my arm, hand and part of my chest. Trenden hurriedly came to my side and helped me up. I was bleeding a little and bruised a bit, but I was too close to give up. The kids helped pick me up (Tolan was further behind, carrying Daven and hiking with his parents), and together, we all carefully climbed the last several feet.

That is the way life is sometimes, we have periods of relavtive ease, and other times when we slow down and struggle. We get excited to reach a destination, only to stumble and fall, leaving us bleeding and bruised. But the key is to keep moving forward and keep your eye on your goal. When I caught a glimpse of the waterfall, I knew I could make it, no matter how hard the final steps. Our own focus can push us along, even when the path seems too steep to travel.

Then we can reach the top and experience the joy and beauty that God intended for us, and only then do we see that every moment of the journey was worth it!

At the trailhead, all eager and ready to go!
Enjoying the beauties along the way!
Scenic stops on the path.

Loving the sounds and sights of the water!

We made it, together, one step at a time!

. . . . . . Dad's Day

2010-06-20T08:34:00.006-06:00

Happy Father's Day! The love and dedication I feel from my father still amazes me every day. There are too many examples to tell them all, so let me share just one.

The day I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, we made only a few calls, to our families. We were not ready to tell the world. We did not even tell our closest friends and neighbors. I was not prepared yet. That very day, my prayers ceased for a while. In a time when they should have increased, they stopped. I had not lost faith, I just didn't know what to say to my Heavenly Father.

Luckily, my own father did. Not only did his fasting and prayers begin in the first moment he heard the news, so did his pleas for help. While we hadn't told anyone, he had already told all of his closest friends and associates. He asked them all to pray for me, to put my name in temples throughout the world. He asked them to pray for miracles on my behalf.

His strength and faith far surpassed my own. Many of you are reading this today, not because of me, but because of my father and the love you have for him, and me through him.

Thank you, for your strength and prayers then, and for your loving care now.

Happy Father's Day to the most incredible father, the one I am blessed to call my own! These are a few special moments with my dad!

To the father of my children, well, words cannot touch those feelings either. I was blessed to witness one special father moment this morning, when our youngset son came into the bedroom, before we were quite ready to get up. Daven's daddy pulled him into bed with us and cuddled him in his arms, then on his chest. Then Daven did the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" on his daddy, and so his Father's Day began.

I am so grateful my best friend is also the father of my children. They will be truly blessed because of their righteous, faithful, fun, loving dad! Some of these photos explain why we all love him so!

. . . . . . Here Comes the Sun

2010-06-18T09:32:00.002-06:00

Sing with me, "Here comes the sun, nananana, here comes the sun"! Hooray! The sun has been found, and it is finally right here in Utah! :) This is so desperately what my body needs right now!

If I were a super hero, or the heroine in a book, I would, of course, have an arch nemesis. If I had to name such a nemesis, I would say it would have to be the wind. Only it wouldn't be called the wind, it would be something like the great "air bender" (pardon the blatant borrowing of terms).

The series of storms, drop in barometric pressure, cold temperatures and air bending that has taken place over the last few weeks have caused havoc in this not-so-super-hero-like person. My head was filled with pressure and aches and my eye was quite nonfunctional, due to the massive amounts of air bending, twisting and blowing going on.

So, sing with me again, as we celebrate, "Here comes the sun"! For most, the summer sun is a welcome sign of carefree days, but to me, it is so much more. It is warming, healing and caressing for my whole mind, body and soul!

. . . . . . The Final Anniversary

2010-06-15T21:57:00.007-06:00

Today could have been the last Saturday before Christmas, as far as my schedule was concerned. I ran from appointment to appointment and place to place all day long. In a conversation with a friend at one of my appointments, I realized that today is the one-year anniversary of when I was released from the hospital! After 35 days in the hospital, 4+ weeks of spinal fluid leaks, 3 brain surgeries and countless shots, medications, IVs and headaches, I was able to return home and let the healing begin...
My body, mind and spirit have come a long way in the last year. I am not the sick, weak, feeble person I was. I am still getting stronger each day. Though I have not come "full circle", I continue to feel blessed for my life, for the miracles that mean I am still here and for a loving Father in Heaven who allowed me to come home to my husband and children for a while longer.

A year later, I am still learning and growing, while appreciating each new day!

. . . . . . The Very Best

2010-06-15T13:48:00.002-06:00

I am so in love with my children! They are the very best kids in the whole world! Though we all have our "days" of frustration with each other, I am reminded over and over again how truly wonderful they are.

This morning I took the little boys to Karate Kick Camp and the big kids stayed at home. In the meantime, I had an appointment, so I was gone the whole morning. When I picked up my little Karate guys and checked in with the big kids, they gave me the update that they were just starting on their daily homework assignment, after having finished their chores and outside jobs.

I smiled to myself, but really I was amazed and in awe. There was no one at home making sure they did their assignments and chores, but they did them anyway. They worked together in the yard and sat down to do their homework together at the kitchen table.

My Karate guys had a great day. They were adorable bowing to their Sensai and practicing their new moves. I cannot explain how much I adore these little people!

The Lord has blessed me with the very best kids...for me. :)

. . . . . . Searching for Sun

2010-06-13T15:41:00.002-06:00

Summer break started more than 2 weeks ago for my children, but I think someone forget to tell the Sun. We haven't seen him around much the last few weeks and I, for one, am ready to go on a Sun Chase to find him.

The cold, blustery weather is the very hardest for me. I have been plagued by pressure headaches for weeks, since my ears cannot accomodate for the changes in the barometer. Every time a storm or coldfront comes in, I am struck with pain and pressure. So, perhaps it is time to find the sun!

I found it in Hawaii months ago, and it healed me, warmed me, and strengthened me more than I could have imagined. Since then, I have been looking forward to the summer and the warmth that would envelope me once again. I am ready to heal. I am ready to get strengthened. I am ready to be warm, inside and out.

Will you help me? I will look where I am, you look where you are, tell me when you find him, and maybe we can convince him to come play here for a while.

Jodi Brown, Riverdale, Sunday, June 13, No sign of him here today. I see his friends, the clouds, and I can hear his cousin, the wind, but no sign of the Sun. I will keep looking...

. . . . . . . Healing Therapy

2010-06-10T13:57:00.002-06:00

Today was not at all what I anticipated. I went to SLC for my first facial therapy appointment, where I thought I would learn a trick or two to help me gain more use of my facial muscles. What I received instead was a different kind of therapy altogether, it was healing, calming, loving and teaching.

The "aha" moments from today are far to great to record them all, so I will choose a select few to share. I hope you will see a little further into my world because of them.

* Research has demonstrated that different illnesses or events cause different amounts of trauma. There is a "trauma scale" that indicates these differences. A minor accident may be a 5 or 7, while having a stroke is usually about a 30 (I believe more in some cases). Having a terminal illness, such as HIV/Aids, is 40-45 on the scale. Facial trauma, however, causes the numbers to spike, reaching to 60-65!

My first instinct was disbelief - worse thatn Aids?? But as the explanation came, my "aha" moment hit. Your face is a representation of your soul, your spirit, of YOU. It is how you express yourself, your love, fear, anxiety, happiness... It is how people know you as you. To "lose" any of your face, either through disfigurement or paralysis, is traumatic and LIFE CHANGING!

* Any loss requires some amount of grieving before healing can take place. I AM NOT THE SAME PERSON WHO WALKED INTO THE HOSPITAL ON MAY 13, 2009. No matter how normal I look, I will never be that person again. Today, my gut feelings and personal experiences were confirmed and I know it is OK to grieve for what was. I must grieve in order to move on.

The grieving process can take place one step at a time, or all at once, quickly or slowly, and it can happen over and over again. It can be triggered by a photo from the past, a hard time, a frustration, a comment, etc. Thank you, Janene, for confirming that what I go through is normal and OK.

* "Looks" are not an indication of functioning, when it comes to paralysis. People look at me, and I look pretty normal again, but the nerves and muscles "behind the scenes" still do not function as they should. My outer appearance is not an accurate representation of what is happening inside. What happens inside my face affects every other part of my body! When my eye is dry, irritated and painful, I put on an eyepatch. The patch causes headaches. The headaches cause tightness in my neck and back. The tightness causes sleeplessness. The sleeplessness causes.... You can see the cycle.

This is how I have felt for so long, though it didn't really make sense to me that my body should struggle so much a year later. Now, I understand that my "gut" was right, it does affect all of me.

* Healing is as much mental as it is physical. I have longer believed this, and today proved it with statistics. I can still heal, improve, regain functioning and have my face reflect more of how I truly feel. I am still getting better. The process will likely take 2-3 MORE years! (That was a shock.)

These are just a few of the MANY things I learned today. I also learned exercises I can do to help improve my condition. I learned that most people will still never "get it". They will look at me and say, "You look great. Don't worry about the little things (ie, smile, eye, etc), you are a survivor, and that is what counts." And while they mean well, they won't get what is happening underneath my appearance. That is OK though, because I know they love me and mean well. And, there are a few out there who do understand and can help me when I struggle.

And for me, there is always a faithful, patient blog out there, waiting for me to pour my heart out in a string of sometime incomprehensible words. These words are also my therapy, these are often the feelings I cannot express in person. So they live here, in my online universe.

. . . . . . .Thoughts on the Simple Things in Life

2010-06-09T11:22:00.003-06:00

A few thoughts for the day...

Thought on Life: Monday we had a "Celebration of Life" in honor of my 1-year survival anniversary. Casen, my 5-year old helped me make homemade cake and homemade frosting. Lindi made decorations and posters that said "Celebrate Life". Tolan made homemade ice cream. We were joined by Tolan's parents and our Aunt Celia and her family. Together we visited, enjoyed treats and truly celebrated what is important to us, Family. :)

Thought on Summer: Yesterday I felt like I was "running" all day long. We had a playdate at the park, watched some children, did jobs and schoolwork, played games, made food, cleaned the house... At 7:00pm, I went into the backyard and sat on my swing. There I rested for a moment, being serenaded by the sounds of the trickling water in my stream, and the birds visiting my yard. I felt the warm penetration of the sun on my skin. I closed my eyes and just took it all in. These are some of my favorite quiet moments.

Thought on Marriage: After basking in the yard for a while last night, Tolan and I went on a walk with Daven. It has been ages since we have gone on a walk together, when the two of us could really talk. We pulled Daven in the wagon and he was content to chatter to himself as we visited. This together time is SO important. We need more of it to strengthen our relationship. After that wonderful time together, I have decided to make this a priority again, focusing more effort, time and energy on my best friend and eternal companion.

Thought on Motherhood: I had today all planned out. After jobs and music practice, I was going to treat the kids to a movie at the summer movie club at the mall. We loaded everyone in the car and took off. Upon pulling into the parking lot, Casen said he wasn't feeling well and he thought he was going to throw up. I hurried to park the car, but was too late. The poor little guy was sick all over in the car. I jumped out and helped him out of the car to finish getting sick. So, instead of a movie, we loaded everyone back into the car, rented a movie and came home. I spent the rest of the morning cleaning out the car, the clothes, and helping one sick little guy. Though things don't always turn out the way we plan, part of our challenge in life is to react cheerfully and make the best of the situation. So, on the bright side, the car hasn't been cleaner in years. :)

Hope YOU have a wonderful day and make the best of the mishaps in life!

. . . . . . Celebrating Life, 1 Year Later

2010-06-06T12:20:00.006-06:00

One year ago today, on Sunday June 7, 2009, I laid in my hospital bed experiencing what I believed were my last hours on Earth.

The following thoughts are extremely personal and are normally guarded with great care. I am choosing to share them now in hopes of helping others learn as I have.

Time has brought new perspective to those "final" moments, but they remain in my mind as a spiritual, emotional, and physical experience.

I pray the physical pain of that day will never be matched in my lifetime.

The emotions cannot adequately be described. As I received calls from worried family members who were begging me to keep fighting, I could not agree to their requests. I was not choosing to give up, but rather, I simply knew that it was the end of my mortal life. Every inch of my being knew it, a physical body can only endure so much before the end is inevitable. So it was for me on that night. After nearly 4 weeks in the hospital, the previous days being plagued by an unknown additional illness, my body could not take any more. Finally, sometime early that evening, I accepted Christ's will for my mortal life to come to an end.

It was in that moment, when I realized the end had come, and I had truly accepted it, that I was flooded with peace. The Spirit of God filled me like never before and I knew that even death would be okay.

I did not see a light, or walk a tunnel, I simply felt peace in the thoughts of being reunited with my dear grandmother and in awe of the opportunity to meet my Savior.

No sooner had those thoughts occurred than I had a renewed burst of "energy" to fight for life. I could not let my darling two-year-old son grow up without me, for I realized he would not even remember me as his mother. I could not let my best friend and eternal companion, feel I had given up on our family.

Suddenly, I knew I had a choice and I chose to stay.

The power of the gospel of Jesus Christ intervened and within minutes of receiving a powerful priesthood blessing, the doctors ordered the test that determined the cause of my extreme sickness. I was rushed to critical care and began receiving treatment for "air on the brain" or tension pneumocephalus, a life-threatening complication of brain surgery when too much air fills the brain. Without the cushion of spinal fluid, and extra air in my head, my brain was literally hitting against my skull. Truly, that night should have been my last.

I still shed tears at the thoughts of those moments. It is still more than I can comprehend.

These are more details than I had planned to share, because it is the lessons I learned that are far more important than the details.

What I have learned from that experience is that our hardships, whatever they may be, are opportunities to prove ourselves and our commitment to a loving Father in Heaven. They are chances for personal growth and testimony building. What we initially describe as trials, I believe we will later describe as gifts.

For this new perspective, I am eternally grateful.

For my life, I am eternally grateful.

Today and tomorrow, I am having a celebration of life, not just for my own life, but for the opportunity of life we all have. May we choose to live it well.

. . . . . . Winning Night with the Bees!

2010-06-06T12:14:00.003-06:00

This morning I found a lovely thank you email from Tina Allred, winner of the Salt Lake Bees tickets for last night's game. Despite a little mix up at the will call desk, all turned out well and her family was able to enjoy spending time together at the game. She kindly shared a few photos from their evening together.

Not to date myself, but the last time I saw Ashley, who is the darling young newlywed in the photo, she was only about 3 years old! Wow, how time flies! So glad the Allreds had fun at the game. Family is truly the purpose of this life!

. . . . . . .The Challenge of Surviving

2010-06-03T13:08:00.005-06:00

Have you ever noticed that when you learn a new word, you start to hear it everywhere? The same is true for a diagnosis or medical problem. From the minute I found out about my tumor, I started hearing and seeing story after story of others with brain tumors. Have these stories always been around, I wondered to myself, have I just not noticed them before?

Today was one such day. I opened the newspaper, just like I do everyday. But today, there was a story that hit too close to home. In the obituary section was a photo of a man just a few years older than me. The cause of his death were complications from brain cancer. I did not read any further in the article. The tears had already started.

Moments like these can be difficult for me to process. Why was my life preserved when his was not? Why am I here today, a year later, doing well as a survivor? The blessings of miracles can also feel like the burdens of surviving. I know I must have a purpose to remain on the Earth. My time almost came, but my life was preserved.

I continue to be eternally grateful for the miracles and blessings, and I WILL NEVER forget that I was granted the chance to finish out my role as a wife and mother here and now. I know I must make everyday worth living and in the process, I must also find a way to touch others with the feelings of love and peace from our Savior that I have felt. Surely this must be why I am still here.

There are challenges to being a survivor that I never anticipated. The tears are more frequent now, as are the feelings of guilt that creep up when I read about others whose outcomes were not as blessed as my own. However, I will take these moments, along with all the wonderful times, because it means I am still here, to feel, to process, to be sad, to love and to live!

. . . . . . First Days of Summer

2010-06-03T08:06:00.004-06:00

I love the first days of summer, the anticipation in the air, the relaxing of schedules, the newfound freedom for all! We started out our summer on a Memorial Day trip to Sun Valley, Idaho, with our dear friends, the Rhoads. We have been making this trip since before we had any children, and now our combined 7 kids have all become the best of friends.

We played at the park, we swam in the pools, we enjoyed games, movies, food and fun together. We had many moments of laughter and joy and for the first time in years, the adults took an evening and went out together without the children, a new freedom we have enjoyed since our eldest kids are big enough to babysit!

We are so appreciative for these times where we get to enjoy one another's company and remember how blessed we are to be a forever family!

. .. . . . . .Reflections on a Year of Prayers

2010-06-01T09:49:00.003-06:00

One year ago today, I was in surgery, my second craniotomy, this time attempting to fix a nasty spinal fluid leak that plagued my body and the doctors' wits. The interesting thing is, we had prayed and prayed that I would not have to have the surgery. We pleaded with the Lord to avoid further procedures that would open up my delicate scars in my head.

The fact is, though we prayed (many of you prayed along with us) with mighty faith, what we were praying for was not the Lord's plan. Whether part of a divine plan for my life, or simply the effects of a stubborn spinal fluid leak, the surgery was necessary. The funny thing is, that surgery didn't fix the leak either, but still it was part of the process I needed to go through to get to the end result.

How often, I wonder, do we pray and pray, only to realize later that we wre praying for the wrong thing? Like the famous words of Garth Brooks, "thank God for unanswered prayers". More than ever before, I know that the Lord's plan for my life is far greater than my own well-thought out and planned plan. Things are not turning out how I anticipated, but they will likely be far better than I would have imagined for myself. Such is the wisdom of God's unanswered prayers!

I hope you all had a wonderful Memorial Day weekend and spent time thinking about your loved ones, both here on Earth, and those who have passed on. My grandmother, Vearis Anderson Orgill Lisenbee, passed away on January 17, 2009, three months to the day before my first hospitalization. I now know that I needed her on the other side, as my guardian angel, as I experienced the struggles from my tumor. Yet another blessing from the Lord.

,, , , , , ,And the Winner Is

2010-05-27T08:36:00.003-06:00

I am so excited to announce the winner of the SL Bees game give away contest! The winner is.... (drum roll please).....

Tina Allred!!

Congrats to Tina! I have known Tina since I was only 15 years old, though I haven't seen her in at least that many years! I am thrilled her family will be able to go to this fun game!

The truth is, I wish everyone could have won! You are all my dear friends and there is nothing more I would like to do than say "thanks for being there" with a fun treat for each of you! I hope you all have a wonderful, relaxing Memorial Day weekend!

. . . . . . Weather Woes and Contest Countdown

2010-05-26T11:10:00.002-06:00

I have a new friend you may soon meet. It is a new eye patch that has been waiting in the wings to enjoy a little "get to know you" time. Well, the windy weather has afforded us just such an occasion to spend some quality time to acquaint ourselves a little better.

My current patch friend is one bejeweled by my sweet Lindi. I am grateful for the break it gives my eye, though because of its "newness", the elastic is tight on my head and causes me to sprout headaches galore. Yesterday I wore it much of the day, as the wind was not so friendly to me. By evening, my head hurt in a familiar, but sad sort of way.

Today I felt renewed and excited for another day, but a few hours working in my yard has already taken a toll. Ahh, at least the air is warm and the blossoms are dancing outside for my good eye to enjoy!

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Just an FYI, I will be picking a winner for the Salt Lake Bees contest tomorrow morning, so make sure to hurry and enter (leave a comment or send me an email) if you want to be included in the drawing!

. . . . . . .Transformation: Bedroom Oasis

2010-05-24T10:03:00.004-06:00

OK, it's time to share another transformation project! :) This was a project that took place over about 4 months. I loved my previous bedroom set, but we got a new bed a while ago and the bedding was too big for the new mattress, so I decided it was time for a transformation project!!

This is my bedroom as it looked a few months ago. The bedding and accessories area all in green and the cedar chest at the foot of the bed is in a purple accent color.

It took me quite a while to find a new bedding set that I liked, I think I bought 4 sets and tried them out on the bed before I found "the one". The best part about it is I got the bedding set (and valances) for a great deal! It was a $500 set, on clearance for $160. A week later, it went on "closeout" and the price dropped to $42 for the 18-piece set! I contacted the company and they refunded the difference! Wow!

I purchased more accent pillows, a throw (blanket) for the bottom of the bed, and got fabric to recover my cedar chest and make a pillow. Then I got a slipcover for my wing-back chair so it matched the new decor. I purchased wall sconces and finished my art framing project, and now....

I have a brand new master bedroom oasis!

The TOTAL project cost me just about $200!! I am thrilled with the results and I still love to relax in my room!

. . . . . . Utah Contest -- Great Family Activity!

2010-05-21T14:22:00.002-06:00

Calling all Utahns!!!! A very generous blog reader and family member (thanks, Niki!!) has offered a fabulous prize to one of my local Utah readers! If you want to win this fun family activity, make a comment on the blog, or send me an email at brownjo76@q.com so you can be entered to win. The prize is a 6-pack of great tickets for a Salt Lake Bees game on Saturday night, June 5! The Bees will be playing Colorado and it promises to be a fun event!

The tickets are for great seats and they will be in the "will call" area with your name on them! :) Drop me a line if you want to enter!

. . . . . . School Year Winding Down

2010-05-21T14:00:00.003-06:00

I am amazed that school is almost over for the year. My elementary kids only have 4 days left and my preschooler, Casen, "graduated" today! This week Trenden was in the Math and Science Olympiad, having earned a spot for being the best fifth grader in his math "sport". What wonderful celebrations of these great kids! Enjoy the pictures!

Ah, now to await the days of summer! :)

. . . . . . Working It Out

2010-05-19T14:08:00.003-06:00

A few months ago I started a new workout plan, but it was derailed for a while when I started having symptoms again for several weeks. Now, I am trying to get back on track and see if I can build up some muscle in this body!

Today I rowed for 5000 meters, then I did the treadmill for 20 minutes. It may have been a bit too much, as I can hardly walk down the stairs now. :) I can go up the stairs just fine, but down is so hard! That means I had a good, tough workout, right?

The fact is, I am so grateful that I am strong enough and steady enough to be able to exercise again. It doesn't seem like that long ago that we were celebrating when I could walk a few feet, finally building up to one small lap around the park. To think of my body in those days is scary. Now I am gaining strength and hoping to keep moving forward!

I will be "confined" to exercising indoors until my eye works again, so thank heavens we have an entire gym in our basement! Anyone want to join me in starting a new summer workout program?? We can motivate each other! :)

. . . . . . .Sleepless nights and Dizzy days

2010-05-18T08:50:00.002-06:00

I don't know what spurs on the sleepless nights for me, but last night was one of them. Tolan also had a bad night and we were each up numerous times, passing each other in the halls, and trying out different beds and locations.

Both of us had far less than stellar nights. Today, likely in part as a result of my night, I feel dizzy and I have a headache. That seems to be my body's way of reacting to things now. This was never the case in the past, but for 20+ months now, this is how my body responds to stressful situtaions.

So, today I will pray for more than normal patience so I can be a kind mother to my little boys. They are the same as usual, but I am not. I will say extra prayers and hope I can get through the day.

What are your secrets for keeping kids safe and having fun when you can't give them all your normal energy?? If you have bright ideas, please share! ;)

. . . . . . Seasons of our Lives

2010-05-16T15:36:00.003-06:00

Made famous by the Beatles years ago, Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us that "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven." In such a simple sentence, we learn many things, including the fact that there is a PURPOSE to every season. I believe each of us experiences many seasons throughout our lives. I have come out of a very long, hard winter, and am entering a spring of renewal, growth and budding flowers.

What season are you in, right now? Are you experiencing the warmth and growth of summer, or the cold air and falling leaves of fall? Are you still learning and progressing, or are you falling behind and getting discouraged?

My husband told me a quote that has stuck with me. "There is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing."

Like this quote so aptly states, no weather, or season, in itself is bad, but in order to make it through the hard and harsh months of our own personal winters, we must be prepared. If we take on the full armor of God and dress ourselves in the protective layers of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we can be shielded when the winds blow and the snow falls. We can stay warm amidst the storm.

So much learning has taken place over the last year and I know the lessons could only have been learned by surviving the coldest of storms. Knowing there is a PURPOSE to it all helps me understand and appreciate my seasons. I am grateful for my winter, and more grateful for the sacred layers of protection that covered me, taught me and have brought me into spring.

. . . . . .Emotional Day

2010-05-14T08:32:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I spent my one-year "anniversary" at the hospital for appointments. The summary is:

* As I suspected, the headaches and pressure in my head is caused from my inability to equalize (pop) my ear, as a result of my eustation tube being sealed. Dr. Shelton said normally he would just put in a tube, but with my history of spinal fluid problems, he doesn't dare. So, for now, the pressure problems are here to stay. If I haven't had any CSF leaks in the next 2 years, he will put in a tube to alleviate the pressure in my brain.

* My hearing is improving, my speech recognition is now at about 85% of normal levels (when the headphones are in my ears) and my overall hearing in my right ear is up to 71% of normal, which is also a vast improvement.

* My paralysis is improving (which is noticeable even in pictures) but I still don't have use of my eye, right nostril, forehead or the extremities of my mouth. The extremities don't always come back to 100% of where they were, so my mouth or forehead may not look the same. (A little drool isn't that bad, right??)

* Because of the location of my nerve damage, at the brainstem, my recovery time is longer than with others in a similar situation. Instead of the normal 12-month recovery time, Dr. Shelton estimates I may still have a few more months of good progress before the healing slows. It is a matter of travel time from the damaged site to the nerves in the face, they recover about a milimeter a day, so a few inches difference in the location is a big deal.

* The good news then, is I still have time to get better. Normally, one year is the time frame within which 90% of recovery takes place, and little healing can be expected afterwards.

* Dr. Shelton wants me to go to physical therapy to try and improve my facial movements while there is still healing time. I will call them today and get my first appointment set up. We are very fortunate because facial therapy clinics only exist in 5 cities in the nation. Once again, not a coincidence!

* He recommended I go back to my eye doctor and consider having additional surgical procedures to get some use of my eye back. My eye is the cause of most of my daily issues, including photophobia, vision impairment, loss of depth perception, and not being able to drive very much.

After the appointment, Tolan and I walked through the wing of the hospital where I lived for 5 weeks last year. It was very emotional for me. I looked at all the people there and I commented how sick they all looked. Tolan replied, "That is how you looked, Jodi. You really looked terrible." It is so overwhelming to think of myself like that, especially when I see how far I have come.

I also saw one of the nurses who cared for me. I didn't think he would recognize me, but he did. He even remembered my name. He said, "You look a lot different, a ton better than the last time I saw you!" Yes, so much has changed this year.

The tears came, but they were manageable. I was emotional and sad, but also so very grateful. My wonderful husband was by my side the whole day, yet again. The trials may continue, but I know the blessings and miracles will come, too!

. . . . . . One Year of Miracles, Learning and Growth

2010-05-13T08:05:00.003-06:00

One year ago today, at this very moment, I was being prepped to go into surgery, for what I thought would be the only procedure I needed, followed by 5 days of recovery in the hospital. Now, looking back on it all, it is surreal, and it is still hard to believe.

My life is a miracle, or a series of miracles. It is through the prayers, fasting and help of hundreds of people that I lived and my family survived. To recall how we have changed and grown is a monumental task. It would be far easier to recount the few things that are still the same in our lives.

As for me, I am a changed person. My few physical changes cannot demonstrate the massive reconstruction that has gone on within me. Though it appears I am back to "Normal", I know I will never be the same.

Today I will be back at the hospital, for an appointment checking on my paraylsis, hearing and progress. If I am brave enough, I plan to go to the Neuro unit and walk the halls. I know it will be emotional, but I need to do it.

If I ever go back to the blog archives and re-read the events of one year ago, it is nearly too much to ingest. The challenges, faith and miracles still amaze me. Words cannot adequately deetail the experiences, lessons and miracles. At this stage, all I can do is thank God for my life, and thank all of you for your prayers, faith and ministering. Life is a blessing, live it that way!

. . . . . . . 5th Graders

2010-05-12T10:21:00.002-06:00

Today I spoke in Trenden's fifth grade class at Riverdale Elementary School. I talked about the challenges of the last year and what we learned from them. Fifth graders are awesome, they are old enough to understand the world around them, without being too tainted by that world.

They also ask very good questions. They are thinkers. They are processors. They are do-ers. I hope that the time we spent together today will help them make good choices in their lives and take control of their actions. I hope they know that they won't have control over everything that happens to them, but they will ALWAYS have control over how they act and react. I hope they understand that some decisions don't come with a second chance, so the choice they make the FIRST time is critical. I hope they know that all people are the same on the inside, no matter how they look on the outside.

And, when they look at my Trenden, I hope they get a glimpse of a young boy who has gone through so much this last year, and come out of it as a young man. Of course, they won't "get" that part, but at least I do. I can see how he has changed, matured, grown and lost a bit of innocence. But, in place of the innocence, he has gained faith, courage, strength, compassion and service, which are far more powerful than innocence.

Today, hopefully at least one young person will go away from school having learned a lesson that will save them heartache or hardship in life. What a blessing it is to be the instrument to teach such a lesson! I would do this every day if I could!

. . . . . . .The Best Day

2010-05-09T19:50:00.003-06:00

I am a MOTHER. This is such a blessing in my life. My children bring me so much joy. My tears are ones of love and amazement. Today I shared my day with my eldest son, who 11 years ago today, made me a mom on Mother's Day. He was so concerned with me enjoying Mother's Day that he constantly deflected the attention from himself to make sure I was having a good day.

Between the flowers I got from my Dad, the ring from my husband, and the hot pads from my children, it was a wonderful day. But no material gift in the world could compare to message my sweet Trenden gave me. He wrote this "essay" about his mom to tell others why he thinks his mom is the best. :)

"On May 9th 1999 I made my mom a mother on Mother’s Day. My mom is NOT the average mom. Of course she loves me just like any good mom should, but my mom and I experienced something that most 11 year old boys can’t relate to.

Last year my mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor. And as you can imagine that year was really hard for not just my mom but me and my family as well. Four days after my 10th birthday my mom had her first surgery. After that her face was paralyzed, her hair shaved, and she lost her hearing. We went to visit her in the hospital I could not believe she was my mom. She looked so much different! I was almost scared of her, but I knew she was my mom so I hugged her anyway.

Then she had her second surgery and things got worse. She got a spinal fluid leak and every bad thing the doctor said COULD happen did. Every time we went to see my mom she looked worse and worse.

I could tell that my dad was trying not to scare us and he spent most of the time at the hospital so our grandma moved in with us. We played games and got treats, but I still couldn’t stop thinking about my mom. At school all the teachers kept asking about my mom and I just said she was feeling better.

When my mom had to have a third surgery I was starting to really worry. My family had started a blog called www.amiracleforjodibrown.blogspot.com so that family and friends could keep track of her progress. Reading her blog we realized that people around the globe were following my mom’s progress. People my mom hadn’t seen in 12 years were following the blog. Random people would call and say Jodi we are praying for you and we hope you get better. Everywhere we went people would look at my mom and say, “Hey, are you that person on the blog?” and they would talk for hours. Throughout everything she went through she was always happy and positive and didn’t complain. She is the kind of person that makes people feel good when they talk to her.

Finally my mom then had her 4th and last surgery and I was so happy that it was almost over. Then when the doctors said my mom was good enough to be let out from the hospital we threw a surprise party for her and at least 50 people were at our house when she arrived home. And I was so happy that finally it was over. But it wasn’t really over because even now, a year later, her face is still paralyzed and one eye doesn’t work right. But to me she is more beautiful than ever and I love and appreciate her more than I did before. I have an awesome mom."
By Trenden Brown

I couldn't ask for a nicer tribute! Happy Mother's Day to all of you!

. . . . . .My Favorite Times of the Day

2010-05-07T08:26:00.002-06:00

When little Daven wakes up (like clockwork between 7:15 and 7:50 am) he runs in to find me and jumps in my arms to welcome the morning. I wish I could make those moments last forever. This is one of my favorite times of the day.
When I see my sweet Lindi grab a book to read to her brothers, this is one of my favorite times of the day.

When I "catch" Trenden playing the keyboard, just because he wants to, when he thinks no one is watching, this is one of my favorite times of the day.

And when we say family prayer at the close of night, and I get to hear the loving and simple words of faith to the Father, this is one of my favorite times of the day. My favorite prayer currently is by Casen, who gently utters, "Please help Mom's eye to get better and help that her brain will start working again!" Yes, these are my favorite times of the day! What are yours?

. . . . . . .And the Winners Are

2010-05-05T15:12:00.002-06:00

Before I announce the winners of my little blog contest, I want to tell you the reason I did a contest. Yes, it was in celebration of 25k vistors, but more than that, it is to recognize and thank all of YOU for inpspiring me.

* Like a good book that keeps you pondering long after you've put it down, all of you have left notes of love in my heart that I think about often.

* You warmed my soul by "being there" for me when I needed you most, through cards, notes and love sent through the airwaves.

* You rooted for me and pulled for me, even when I was the "underdog" and it looked like I didn't have a chance at making it.

* When you gathered for prayer at the end of the day, you remembered me, and prayed for me by name, even if you'd never met me.

* You plead to God and asked for a miracle, and because of all of YOU, He granted me with many.

Thank you for keeping me going when the days are rough and the load seems too much to bear. I know that you have been sent by my Savior above to be the angels in my life.

And the Winners Are:

"Krista", The Perfect Stranger, from Utah, wins a $25 AMC Movies Gift Card!!

Dom Hammett, Martinez, Georgia, wins a $15 Applebees Gift Card!!

"Fenwick Family", wins a $10 Jamba Juice Gift Card!!

Winners, please email me your addresses so I get your gifts out my door and into yours!

I wish I could give you all a gift, just to say I love you! Thank you for being part of my world!

. . . . . . .Fancy Get Up

2010-05-05T14:57:00.006-06:00

As I promised, here are some pictures from the formal gala I attended the other night with my dear friends. One of our co-workers, Jean, is missing from the picture. She left before we could snap the shot!

What a wonderful evening it was, celebrating the hospital we love and the friendships we cherish!

The first two photos are of all of us the last time we were all together, October 2005!! Now, nearly 5 years later, we were together again in our fancy get ups! :)

Kelly, Jodi, Carol, Jean and Noellee Jodi, Carol, Joey, Jean and Noellee from the McKay-Dee Hospital Foundation, 2005.

The gang together again, April 30, 2010, in honor of the 100-year anniversary of McKay-Dee Hospital.

Me at home, before Kelly came to pick me up! It's fun to get fancy once in a while!!

. . . . . . Last Chance & Friends Reunion

2010-05-04T11:27:00.002-06:00

Today and tomorrow morning are your last chances to enter the gift card prize drawing! Simply leave a comment on the blog and you will be entered to win!!!

This weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to get together with some dear friends of mine. We all used to work together in a group that was synergistic, cohesive and more like family than co-workers. We reunited to celebrate the 100-year anniversary of the hospital where we all worked. It was a fabulous evening of memories, hugs, laughter and fun. I am so glad I got to go! As soon as one of my dear friends emails me the pictures, I will post some on the blog. We were all dressed up for the formal affair and I think we cleaned up pretty nicely! :)

Every friendship means more to me now than ever before. I truly appreciate the individuality of each person and what they bring into my life. From old friends to new acquaintances, it is a blessing to have such wonderful people in my life! Love you all!

. . . . . . .Scary Dreams

2010-05-02T15:45:00.002-06:00

Friday night I had a dream that was so real, it scared me even after I was awake. In my dream, my eustation tube had somehow come unstitched and my spinal fluid leak had started again. I could feel when it happened, as there was a "pop" in my ear. In the dream, I became concerned about germs causing an infection in my brain, or air getting in, and causing pneumocephalus again. I kept trying to call my doctors but no one was available and I was starting to panic from fear. I dialed the numbers over and over again, but no one ever answered. As the dream went on, I could "feel" air silently creeping in and putting my life in danger.

When I awoke Saturday morning, I was exhausted and felt like I could go right back to bed. I told Tolan about the dream and he speculated it was a result of the trauma I have been through in the last year.

Well, I am certainly grateful it was a dream, and not reality, but no matter how much I try to "move on", I find myself reliving some of the difficult days and scary moments. Part of me is still in shock that it all happened. It almost feels like an out of body experience, where I could see it happening, but it wasn't really me. I am so thankful for my life and I feel peace with where I am, so I am not sure why these dreams or "fears" are still so gripping. Why am I fine one day, then sobbing the next, as I think about what could have been?

Though I have no answers, I do have gratitude for the experiences. They are a reminder of how precious life is and where my priorities should stay focused.

If anyone has theories on why this is still happening, I'd love to hear. Thanks. Love you all.

. . . . . . .Transformation: Switch it Out, Paint it Up

2010-04-30T13:32:00.004-06:00

I just finished up another fun project! I have a print of my favorite painting, "Reflections" by Carol Harding. It is large and expensive to frame (almost $300) so I have never had it done. I finally did the project myself and took another framed piece of artwork (that I purchased from Ross for a mere $39!) and transformed it into a frame for my print!

I sanded and stained the frame, then took it to Joann's to be matted. The results are in, and it looks great! The photos don't do it justice!

Take a look:

Before: The picture I purchased from Ross.
After: My favorite print, in a beautiful frame with lovely mats!

One more reason I love transformation projects!

The 25k visits contest will go til at least Monday, so if you haven't entered yet, make sure to leave a comment on any one of the posts from this week!

. . . . . . . Roll Call & Quick Update

2010-04-28T13:51:00.003-06:00

In the 2 days since I posted the 25k visits drawing, there have been over 250 visits to the blog, but only 17 comment "entries" into the drawing! So, who are the rest of you out there, who are reading, but not entering the drawing?? If you don't care about the prize drawing, that is fine, think of this more as a "Roll Call". Whether you are my family, friends, or perfect strangers (and I emphasize the word PERFECT!:), please let us know you are out there.

I'll start. :)

Jodi Orgill Brown
Riverdale, Utah

See! It's as easy as that! :)

As for me, I am doing very well these days. The change in weather (again) is causing more issues in my head. When the barometer falls, I have all kinds of problems because I cannot equalize my right ear. When you can't adjust for the pressure, it just builds up until it feels like your head will explode. I tried to get an appointment with the surgeon who sealed my eustation tube (Dr. Orlandi) so I can ask him questions, but he is out of town. So, I get to ask his nurse instead and she will pass the messages on to him when he checks in. It may be a while.

One benefit of being in the hospital is that your questions get answered a lot faster than if you are a patient at home. :) Still, I'm so grateful to be at home blogging, rather than at the hospital watching someone else do it! My dad and Tolan were wonderful bloggers, but I think they would both agree, being at home is best for all of us! :)

. . . . . . . 25,000 Visits Prize Drawing!

2010-04-26T17:51:00.005-06:00

Wow, I just saw that the blog had it's 25,000th visit today (the counter started in August)! I wish we had a counter on the site when I was in the hospital, but we didn't think of that til later. Still, what a great milestone! Let's celebrate! Anyone who leaves a comment to this post will be entered to win a fabulous prize!!! It will be a gift card of some sort, so enter now! This is just for fun, so humor me and make it a real drawing!

(If you don't want to leave a public comment, you can email me or sign up to "follow" the blog instead. Just let me know you want in! :)

. . . . . . Orgill Family Party

2010-04-26T16:58:00.006-06:00

Last January, when my Grandma Lisenbee passed away, I honestly didn't know how often I'd get to see the Orgill family anymore. My only trips to Grantsville were usually to see her. Thank heavens for some wonderful (and organized) family members who have planned 2 family events in the last year! Hooray for Allison! :) Check out the pics from our latest gathering, Saturday night at Noah's in South Jordan. What a fun place for a party!

Ef, Jim, Kevin and Brady watching a game after playing racquetball.

Judy, Lois, Denny and Rachel visiting and snacking.

Allison, Dave and Susan rockin' out. (Dustin was the primary vocalist for the evening, but I didn't get a pic before he left!)

Tolan, my sweetie, hanging out on the pool table. We haven't played pool in years, but it was so fun!

Rachel, Rebecca and Niki visiting by the kitchen.

Dave, Tami and Diane playing Rock Band.

Me, focusing really hard!

Allison, Karen, Sharon, Me and Rachel having fun cousin time! A great gathering of family!!!

. . . . . . . Exploding Volcanoes

2010-04-23T13:58:00.005-06:00

I have to laugh when I see that my last post was about how great I have been feeling, since I am posting the opposite today. I don't know if it is because of a change in the weather, allergies or what, but I am having terrible issues with pressurizing my ears. Since my surgery where my eustation tube was sealed to fix my spinal fluid leak, this has been an issue that I haven't been able to "fix".

It feels like my head is in a cloud and I just can't quite see straight. There is so much pressure built up behind my right ear, I feel as if my head will simply explode or cave in. It started in the morning and has increased as the day has gone on. Now I have a terrible headache. I took some OTC meds, but I don't want to take the "heavy meds" because they make me out of it and loopy. I can't be out of it, because today is a day for celebration...

Daven Hale Brown turns 3 years old today!

I can't believe my "baby" is three. No more babies at our house now! We have spent much of the morning and afternoon making cakes and frosting. Perhaps as an unintentional reflection on how I am feeling, I made a chocolate volcano cake, that looks like a volcano that has erupted. I guess it had too much pressure built up, too. :) Hopefully I will be feeling better soon and I will be able to enjoy this day with my family, celebrating my sweet, sweet little "D", one of my greatest reasons for living!

. . . . . .Blessed Days

2010-04-21T22:06:00.003-06:00

I realized this week that I have gone almost 2 weeks without a single dizzy spell or debilitating headache! This is the longest "good spell" I have had in more than 20 months!

As my strength returns, so does my energy. Along with it comes a renewed excitement for life. There are so many things I want to do, so many projects to finish, so many people to visit, so many friends to serve!

With such blessings, how could anyone ever deny that God is still a God of miracles??

My faith is stronger than ever. My love for others still builds each day. My gratitude for LIFE cannot be measured. My debt to a loving SAVIOR can never be repaid, though I will give my best effort, one day at a time.