. . . . . . . . . .MRI Results!

People have been asking me for over 2 weeks now, "Have you heard the results from your MRI?" It's funny, but I haven't really been thinking about it, because I have just "felt" like everything was going to be OK.

Well, today I got the official word from Dr. Couldwell's office and I was told that everything looks good and I don't have to have another MRI for a year! That is even better than I would have anticipated! I don't have any more details than that because the information was left on my voice mail, so I wasn't able to ask questions and they didn't leave any more insider's information.

I think the feelings I've had have been a peace the Lord has blessed me with to know that I am getting better. I haven't worried about the tumor regrowing or future problems, I have just felt good about things. This peace has helped me to enjoy this beautiful CHRISTmas season without the turmoil and angst of wondering what was happening inside my head. (Thanks to my friend, Jason, whose use of the word CHRISTmas inspired me!)

Now I can put that behind me and move on with my CHRISTmas celebrations..oh yeah, did I mention I am enjoying those celebrations in Hawaii? :)

It's fun and wonderful to find warmth and love here in the Aloha state. I'm thoroughly enjoying my days on the beach and at the Polynesian Cultural Center (PCC). In fact, Thursday morning at 9am, I am speaking at the PCC. My topic: Gratitude. I could talk forever about that one...I have much to be grateful for! :)

. . . . . . . . . . .Seeking Warmth

I love it when the sun shines and warms my skin, my body and my soul. I can literally feel the warmth engulf me, as it radiates, first touching my "outsides" then touching my "insides". As it spreads, I can rest, relax, heal and love.

There is a warmth I love more than the strength and power of the sun, and that is the warmth and peace I feel from the love of my Savior. His spirit brings me joy that fills my whole being, and bursts out from me like rays shooting out from the sun. I can feel it when I hear the truth...in song, in scripture and in testimony. It warms me and tears well up in my eyes as my soul overflows with the waters of the gospel.

My friend, new to the gospel of Christ, told me that when she goes to church, she wants to cry the whole time she is there. At my home, listening to the scriptures and testimonies of Christ, she said her whole body felt "full" and "warm" and again, she wanted to cry. That feeling, the power of overwhelming love and comfort brings warmth to my life and carries me through my dark storms.

This month, I am seeking warmth. I am leaving the cold and seeking the warmth so that it may touch my skin, my body, my heart, my soul and my spirit. Will you join me? We can leave today and journey together. :)

. . . . . . . . Only in Time

Six months ago today...

I was lying in a hospital bed, attempting to eat small bites of actual food, not "IV Nutrition" fed through tubes.

The pain was intense, but lessened from it's peak.

Loving company surrounded me and helped buoy my spirit.

Therapists came and tried to teach me to walk again. Not something you forget, but definitely something you need to practice.

Walking spiked a headache; I "hurried" to my room to rest.

Thoughts of my home kept coming to my mind... When will I go home to my family? Will I be able to be Mom again soon? Will my kids understand my limitations? Will they know that I want to pick them up and hug them, but I simply cannot? Will they get used to my new appearance and accept me as I am now? Will they ever know how much I really love them?


It was so long ago, and yet just yesterday in my mind. Six months ago, I was nearing the end of the first phase of my tumor journey, I was preparing to leave the hospital, all 93 pounds of me that was left. I was weak, but I was strong.

Today I am safe at home surrounded by love and comforts enough to spare. Life can change in an instant. Someday I will be able to get through a day without thinking about "all of this", but that is not today. Only in time will my trials become my past. For now, they are my daily reality and the fuel behind the fire that keeps me going. Six months ago I was healing, today I am healing still.

This post was inspired by Stephanie Clark Nielson's blog, www.nieniedialogues.blogspot.com . Her flashback post prompted my own reflections on time.

. . . . . . . . Prayers Please!

PLEASE pray for my dear friend Jason Reynolds. He is the one I visited in the hospital on Tuesday. His doctors don't know what to do to help his dire condition, and without help, the outlook is not good.

See Jason's story at http://www.jasonslifeisgood.blogspot.com/ . Please say extra prayers for him and his family. Just 6 months ago, I was in the hospital fighting for my life. Jason has been fighting for his life for 5 years! Please pray for him, his doctors and the medical staff.

Let's all make a miracle for Jason! Thanks. Love you all. Jodi

. . . . . . . .Christmas Day!

It is almost the weekend again, but I still need to let you know about the wonderful time we had celebrating the Brown Family Christmas last weekend! Due to some travel plans by family members, we had our Christmas early, very early in fact. Saturday (December 5) was our Christmas Eve and Sunday was our Christmas Day.

Saturday evening the kids got to open their traditional Christmas Eve gift, a new pair of PJs. These gifts inspired some Kung Fu fighting at our house, since Casen's new jammies reminded everyone of a ninja. :) After the fighting was over, I let all the kids decorate their own cakes for Christmas. I made several colors of frosting and we all made fabulous cake creations. It was a fun night with cute jammies and the kids were excited for their Christmas the next day!

The kids opening their Christmas Eve presents!
A little kung fu fighting anyone??
Lots of wiggles and excitement on Christmas Eve!
Decorating cakes for the big day! Lots of fun colors to choose from!

All the cake creations on display!
Getting ready for Christmas day!

Christmas was a wonderful day for all of us. We went to church, then came home and had our celebration in the evening. Tolan's parents, Larry and Kay, joined us for the festivities and brought presents to add to our stack. I was a little worried that the kids wouldn't think it felt like Christmas, but after a few minutes of tearing into gifts and getting wrapping paper everywhere, it seemed just right. It was truly a wonderful time for our family!

The peace and quiet before the big event.

What is it with packaging these days? Mom and dad had to use scissors and knives to get the gifts out of the boxes for the kids! Geesh!

Trenden showing off his new game.

Casen dancing with Grandpa Brown watching merrily on the couch.

Me and my sweetheart, cuddling on the couch.

Darling Daven playing with his new light saber. How do they just know what to do when you put a sword or toy gun in their hands??

With the Christmas songs playing, treats to eat, family to enjoy and the fireplace keeping everyone warm, we truly felt the spirit of Christmas. We talked about Jesus Christ and His birth, and the presents we could give Him this year. I am so grateful for my darling children and my amazing husband this Christmas season. We are so blessed to know and love our Savior and celebrate His birth!

. . . . . . . . . Meeting My Heroes!

Today was not a normal day at all, and that was good. We woke up to several inches of snow (though it wasn't supposed to hit us here in the northern part of the state!) and blizzard conditions outside. I had a last-minute appointment with Dr. Kim in Salt Lake for my eye so my father-n-law, Larry, came over at 8:30am to start the trek into town.

My wonderful, selfless, loving neighbor Cami H., took Casen and Daven for me (again!) for what would turn out to be a very long trip to the doctor's office! Larry and I were on the road for just about 2 hours (more than double our normal time). I missed my appointment time, but luckily, so did everyone else!

The news is that I have an abrasion on my cornea, which in combination with the dryness my eye experiences because I cannot blink, has caused my sensitivity to light (photophobia). Dr. Kim put me on an antibiotic ointment to help the abrasion heal, and instructe me to keep my eye covered or closed as much as possible so it can heal. He wants to see me again on Thursday, though I just don't know if that is possible with my schedule this week. He said I am not a candidate for the prosthetic contact lenses because of the paralysis not allowing my eye to blink or produce tears. The contact would literally get stuck to my dry eye and cause damage.

What took me by surprise was the emotion that came over me when I saw Dr. Kim. Each time I see the doctors who helped me through the darkest times in my life, I can't help but feel affection and gratitude. Thank you, Dr. Kim and the Moran Eye Center folks!

My favorite part of the day came just after my appointment. My dear friend Jason is in the hospital and I went to visit him as soon as I was through. The crazy thing is, Jason is one of my best friends, but we had never met, until TODAY! When I saw him and his wife, Steph, I was overcome with emotion! The hug from Steph felt like we had known each other for years. When I hugged Jason for the first time, I could not stop the tears.

Jason and Steph are two of my heroes. They have inspired me in ways that I could never have imagined. I am truly a better person because of them. The few minutes we had together were wonderful, but not enough. I look forward to having a get together again, next time with the two couples together, as friends and survivors, just talking about life! Thank you, Jason, for being you and for continuing to fight! Love you! To read Jason's amazing story, visit his blog: http://jasonslifeisgood.blogspot.com/ I bet he will change your life, too!

Larry took this picture just as I was leaving. I will cherish it forever. Steph took another picture of us hugging goodbye, but I don't have that one, so I will have to get it from her and post it later. Words cannot express the feelings and emotions I had today, for those who have cared for me and my health, and for those who inspire me to be a better person! Thank you for this extraordinary day!

Friends and Survivors! Jason Reynolds and me at the University of Utah Medical Center, my first time in a hospital room since I checked out on June 15. Wow.

. . . . . . . . . Am I Normal?

We had a very special weekend which I will post about later when I have enough time to do justice to the topic. But yesterday, at church, I had an interesting conversation with an older gentleman that has made me think.

He has followed my "story" at church, though not read details here on my blog. He prayed for me, called me from time to time and congratulates me nearly every time I see him. This time, he asked me a question that was so simple, "How does it feel to be normal again?" I wasn't sure what to say about that, because, well, I don't feel normal.

My face is appearing more normal these days, so I am told all the time. That is wonderful and the answer to many prayers! And, when I am in public, I always try to be happy, positive and upbeat, partly because that is just who I am. But, am I normal? I don't feel like I am at all. I still have many issues that I am dealing with, though they are things that the world probably doesn't "see" from my physical appearance. With the exception on here on the blog, we deal with our challenges privately, with support from wonderful family and friends.

So I began to wonder, am I normal? Am I back to "normal" life? Some would say I have never been normal, and that is OK, too. A simple but strange thought to consider. Am I normal? Are you normal? What the heck is normal anyway?? Think on this and let me know what you think!

, , , , , , , , Photophobia and Photos

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I have been experiencing a sensitivity to light. After doing some research, I found that I have "Photophobia" caused by my facial paralysis.

On the All About Vision website, it says, "Photophobia, or light sensitivity, is an intolerance of light. Sources such as sunlight, fluorescent light and incandescent light all can cause discomfort, along with a need to squint or close your eyes. Headaches also may accompany light sensitivity."

Apparently this is normal, though not necessarily common, for people suffering from facial paralsis, Belle's Palsy, etc. I have had such extreme reactions to the light lately that I have been worried, as it causes problems anytime I am outdoors, especially if I am trying to drive, or even walk. My special moisture chamber sunglasses are helpful, but not strong enough to curb my eye's reaction. I am nearly blinded when I get into the light.

I read that there are special contacts you can get. The prosthetic contact lenses can reduce the amount of light that enters the eye and make your eyes more comfortable and tolerant of the light. Hmm, something to consider. I have a call in to my opthamologist, Dr. Kim, at the Moran Eye Center and someone is supposed to get back to me soon.

The beautiful shiny, albeit cold, December days have tested my eye, but warmed my soul, so it is a fair trade. :)

I am including a few pics of our Thanksgiving celebration. It was great to see so many of my siblings and for my kids to have a giant sleepover with the cousins. Always a good time!

Me and Casen opening some Thanksgiving treats!
Tami and some of the kids enjoying the feast!
Brandon, Myana, Grandma Brown, Michael, and Dave happily eating!
Tolan, Scott, Brett and Dave conversing at the table.
Lindi, Trent, Trenden and Taylor enjoying "big kids" table all to themselves!
I love this picture of my niece, Jessie, and Casen. They were having so much fun playing together and eating cookie pie. Too cute!

. . . . . . . . . .A Cold Wait!

It appears as though I still have several days to wait before I hear anything back about the results from my latest MRIs. I talked to Margee in Dr. Couldwell’s office yesterday and she said they haven’t received my scans yet and once they get them, they will have to put them onto their computer system before a doctor will take a look. In addition, Dr. Couldwell is out of town for 2+ weeks, so he won’t even be the one reading the scans. His partner will take a look and Margee (Dr. Couldwell’s nurse) will call me next week sometime with the results.

There is nothing like waiting to teach a little patience! 

In the meantime, my body feels like it has been hit by a truck. I’ve come down with a terrible cold. Yes, it’s just a cold, but I feel pretty lousy. No fun. I can’t seem to fight anything off this year. I know my body is in a weakened state, but I am still surprised because it was just over a month ago I had strep throat. I was hoping to avoid further illnesses this season. But, alas, tis not so. Today I hope to get some rest, perhaps with my little boys watching a show in my room while I curl up in my bed.

Yesterday, despite being sick, I was all over my 3-mile traveling radius with my 2 little boys. We went to the doctor, to the bank, to multiple stores and to pick up the kids from school. The fun part of the day was taking all the kids to a store to let them Christmas shop for each other. The logistics were tricky at times, but I think everyone managed to get a little something for their assigned sibling and I don’t think any of them saw their own gifts in the process. It was so fun to watch them pick out things for each other!

So, the wait is on. I will wait out the cold and wait for the doctor’s office to call! I have no doubt the waiting time won’t seem too long. With 4 active children keeping me busy, every day seems to fly by, so I can’t imagine the next few will be any different!

. . . . . . . . . MRIs for Christmas!

Yesterday I had my first MRIs (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) since my brain surgeries this summer. I have both looked forward to and dreaded this day. Sunday night I had a case of the "Flashbacks" from my MRIs back in April, when we first found the tumor. The feelings of that day can never be forgotten, the fear, pain, grief and "unknown" was so strong it nearly took us over. Thankfully, by the time I went to the hospital on Monday, I was feeling at peace.

The MRIs proved to be more challenging this time around than any of my other times. Now, of course, I have metal in my head, and gold in my eyelid. These things can be potentially dangerous when the magnets start going. So, after 30 minutes waiting to hear the "go" or "no go" from the radiologist, I climbed into the claustrophobia-causing machine. The technician told me that if I started to feel pain or heat from the gold in my eye, that I should press the emergency panic button and she would stop the procedure. However, I was relieved to find my eye was ok for the first round of scans.

The second MRI was to be conducted with dye in my veins so any mass in my brain could be more easily detected and differentiated from normal brain tissue. This also proved to be a challenge. It turns out that my "IV arm" is full of scar tissue from all my previous pokes and prods. :) She was able to get the IV started so the dye was successfully in my system for the 2nd scan.

I am not normally claustrophobic, nor am I prone to panic attacks or anything of that nature, but being stuck in an MRI machine for 40-50 minutes is enough to make anyone go nearly crazy. The noises are loud and disconcerting. The "shaking" of the machine makes you feel like you are riding up a hill in a rollercoaster and the 3-6 inch space around my body felt like it was caving in on me. All I wanted to do was jump out and MOVE my body. You simply can't hold perfectly still for that long. Ugh. The thought of it now gives me the chills.

By the end of my time, I noticed my eye was indeed heating up. However, not wanting to ruin the last several images, I stayed put and didn't notify the tech until the MRI was through. She said that next time, we will cover my eye in cold compresses in hopes of keeping the "heat factor" down. Weird, huh?

When I emerged from the medical imaging coffin, I was surprised to see "Kim", the technician who performed the MRI on the day I was diagnosed. She was so wonderful to me on that difficult day. So, I told her how grateful I was and gave her an update on my "status". She gave me a hug and we cried tears of joy, together.

Now, it is time to wait for the results. This process takes a while because the radiologist will have to write a report, then have the report and the disc of my images sent to Dr. Couldwell. So, I don't anticipate I will hear anything for at least a few days. I won't see Dr. Couldwell again until January, so at least the first "news" will likely come by phone sometime in the next week.

Throughout the day, despite the little bumps and challenges, I couldn't help but feel peaceful and calm. My Dad asked me if I had any feelings as to the results of the MRI. Well, those feelings of peace were enough for me. Regardless of what they say, I know things will be OK. I felt it. :)

Today is the first day of December and I am officially excited for Christmas. I have to get over this cold I am coming down with, but still I plan to enjoy every moment of this beautiful, amazing time, and focus all my efforts on the TRUE meaning of the season. I continue to be grateful for my Savior, my family and all my blessings. Are you counting your blessings yet? :)

. . . . . . . . . . .Giving Thanks and Getting Scans

This Sunday afternoon I feel so grateful for the blessings we have enjoyed during our Thanksgiving week. My siblings (5 of the 6) were in town and we all spent time together, feeling grateful for each other and the bonds we share. Tolan's parents hosted our Orgill Family gathering and participated with us in celebrating and giving thanks.

It was such a treat for me to spend time with all of my siblings. I love each of them in more ways than they will ever know. They uplift me, inspire me and encourage me. I look forward to seeing the 6th sibling and spending more time with all of them over the coming holidays.

Tolan's parents were amazing hosts, as they provided wonderful food and an even better place to gather, visit, enjoy and relax. They have a way of making everyone feel like family, and that is so appreciated.

We also visited Tolan's extended family, which was a real treat. So many of them have done so much for us this year and it was my first opportunity to thank many of them in person.

Yesterday I read a talk my Uncle Dennis Orgill wrote and gave at church. He reminded me that ingratitude is one of the greatest sins of omission that we often commit. We have so much to be thankful for and rarely do we really take the time to ponder all of our blessings. Another inspirational talk, given by Jason Hall, provided a great challenge, the thankful challenge. He challenged people to make a list of 100 things (over 100 days) that they are thankful for. It really gets you thinking about the depth of your gratitude. I know there are things on that list today that I wouldn't even have thought about a year ago... I am starting my list today!

SCANS: Tomorrow we are back to "the real world" again. First thing in the morning, I will go to McKay-Dee Hospital for 2 MRI scans of my brain (the first will be normal, the second will be with dye injected into my veins so "masses" in the brain will be more easily detected). These will be my first post-op scans and will tell us the condition of what is "left" of the tumor. Though most of the tumor was removed during surgery, but my doctors believe the parts of the tumor on my brainstem will remain there indefinitely. The HOPE is that they will not be able to regenerate or cause the tumor to grow again. So, this will be our first look inside my head since the completion of my surgeries.

I don't expect to hear the "results" of the scans immediately, since they will have to be seen by the radiologist, a report written, then that report will be sent to my docs in Salt Lake before I hear anything. Still, I would appreciate prayers for my day tomorrow and for the "results" that are yet to be seen. I continue to struggle with headaches, as well as all the issues with my eye, ear, nose and mouth from the paralysis, but I am so grateful to be on the surviving end of my battle thus far.

My love and gratitude to all of you. I hope you'll join me and "Count Your Many Blessings" starting today! :)

. . . . . . . . . . Thanksgiving: The Gospel of Jesus Christ

With so many things to be thankful for this season, it is hard to say my final one...yet simple at the same time. My family goes without saying, they are part of #1 -#10. But in the very center of everything is my knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Thanksgiving Day #10: The Gospel of Jesus Christ

In the entirety of the world, my beliefs are shared by very few. Only about 13 million other people believe the way I do, so I consider myself to be very fortunate to have been raised in a situation that allows me to know the Truth. I know that my Savior, Jesus Christ, lives. I know that He is my elder brother, but more importantly, my Savior, who atoned for my sins. I know that through Him, I have a way to repent, come back, and hopefully return to live with Him again someday. I know that He is with us, always, if we allow Him to be. I know that He is there in our darkest moments, when no one else can make it better. Whether you are in a foxhole amidst great battle, or in the hospital dying, He is there and he can bring you peace and joy.

It is this joy that I am so grateful for. He wants us to be happy, this I know. That is why He has provided us with an eternal Plan of Happiness, that teaches us how to live, repent, and find joy. Happiness is the reason that He has allowed us the privilege of being sealed to our families in the temple, so that we can be together FOREVER, not just until death do us part. Joy is the reason we have the Bible, the Book of Mormon, and other scriptures so that we might read, learn, and be guided by Him in all that we do. For obedience to the Gospel of Jesus Christ brings us joy. What Satan tempts us with is simply temporary pleasure, not joy, there is a big difference. I feel so blessed to know of and feel of that joy so often in my life...daily when I am choosing the right.

My testimony of my Savior is not something I can adequately describe, not here or anywhere. It is more than a "belief" or "faith" or "hope", it is a knowledge that I cannot deny. I love Him and all He gives unto me, challenges and blessings alike. Though I am in no hurry to depart this world, I look forward to the day when I get to meet my Savior, and His father, again, and thank them for the many blessings which are mine.

To learn more about my beliefs, visit http://www.mormon.org/ . My love, blessings and thanks to you this wonderful Thanksgiving season.