Saturday, December 12, 2009

. . . . . . . . Only in Time

Six months ago today...

I was lying in a hospital bed, attempting to eat small bites of actual food, not "IV Nutrition" fed through tubes.

The pain was intense, but lessened from it's peak.

Loving company surrounded me and helped buoy my spirit.

Therapists came and tried to teach me to walk again. Not something you forget, but definitely something you need to practice.

Walking spiked a headache; I "hurried" to my room to rest.

Thoughts of my home kept coming to my mind... When will I go home to my family? Will I be able to be Mom again soon? Will my kids understand my limitations? Will they know that I want to pick them up and hug them, but I simply cannot? Will they get used to my new appearance and accept me as I am now? Will they ever know how much I really love them?


It was so long ago, and yet just yesterday in my mind. Six months ago, I was nearing the end of the first phase of my tumor journey, I was preparing to leave the hospital, all 93 pounds of me that was left. I was weak, but I was strong.

Today I am safe at home surrounded by love and comforts enough to spare. Life can change in an instant. Someday I will be able to get through a day without thinking about "all of this", but that is not today. Only in time will my trials become my past. For now, they are my daily reality and the fuel behind the fire that keeps me going. Six months ago I was healing, today I am healing still.

This post was inspired by Stephanie Clark Nielson's blog, www.nieniedialogues.blogspot.com . Her flashback post prompted my own reflections on time.

2 comments:

Els Manning said...

just got in from scooping snow...
I'd like to call it shoveling. But this is so heavy and wet, i am barely managing the scooping..ha ha.
And i am counting my blesssings as i do it. It's a sign i am healthy. Blessed. Thanks for reminding me...
And i used you as an example in my YW class today. It was about work. And how blessed we are to be able to do so. And how people around us would love to "work". But just can't. I figured you wouldn't mind. Since they are so much your girls. But i felt they needed a "story" they could relate to.
Hope you and yours are staying warm...and well... And keep writing. I am reading and learning...

Nichole Giles said...

Life is all about healing. It's amazing the things that can happen in a few months, isn't it? And when you add two of those periods together, you imagine everything you've experienced in a year. Now, aim the other direction and look forward.

How many miracles will you experience in the next year?

More than any of us can count. It's going to be a great year for you.