Friday, January 15, 2010

. . . . . . . . Seeking Consistency

Last night and today are the times that Halloween stories are made of. It is cold and damp outside, so foggy and dirty from the inversion that I can barely see beyond my neighbor's house. It feels eery and makes me want to hide away.

This feeling is in total contrast to how I felt for 2 days this week, when I had very good, "normal" days. :) I am so grateful for these times and the energy which has allowed me to be a good mom again.

The struggle I am having is that it feels like my energy is much like money. I have a certain amount, and as it gets divvied out on one day, there is simply less left for the next. I know that is not truly the case, but I think I am still getting very worn out by the "normal" activities. So, I feel good as I am doing them throughout the day, but then my body collapses and I am left struggling a bit the following day.

Now what I need most is consistency, and part of that is simply up to me. I need to make sure not to overdo it on any given day, so I can leave enough strength for the remaining days each week. That is hard for me to do, because when I feel good, I am tempted to do all the things I want to do. That is just not realistic for me now.

Despite all of that, I continue to feel so blessed. Everywhere I go, I am touched by the loving, kind words of friends and acquaintances. Do you know how much you mean to me? Can you possibly imagine how much your words buoy my spirit? You thank me for teaching you through my trials, but it is you who have helped me make it through them and strengthened me. You are still my angels, every day.

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