Have you ever noticed that when you learn a new word, you start to hear it everywhere? The same is true for a diagnosis or medical problem. From the minute I found out about my tumor, I started hearing and seeing story after story of others with brain tumors. Have these stories always been around, I wondered to myself, have I just not noticed them before?
Today was one such day. I opened the newspaper, just like I do everyday. But today, there was a story that hit too close to home. In the obituary section was a photo of a man just a few years older than me. The cause of his death were complications from brain cancer. I did not read any further in the article. The tears had already started.
Moments like these can be difficult for me to process. Why was my life preserved when his was not? Why am I here today, a year later, doing well as a survivor? The blessings of miracles can also feel like the burdens of surviving. I know I must have a purpose to remain on the Earth. My time almost came, but my life was preserved.
I continue to be eternally grateful for the miracles and blessings, and I WILL NEVER forget that I was granted the chance to finish out my role as a wife and mother here and now. I know I must make everyday worth living and in the process, I must also find a way to touch others with the feelings of love and peace from our Savior that I have felt. Surely this must be why I am still here.
There are challenges to being a survivor that I never anticipated. The tears are more frequent now, as are the feelings of guilt that creep up when I read about others whose outcomes were not as blessed as my own. However, I will take these moments, along with all the wonderful times, because it means I am still here, to feel, to process, to be sad, to love and to live!