I wish I knew what was "going on" right now with me, why I am having such a hard time. I seem to have part of the day when I do well, then the rest of the time when I really struggle. Yesterday was exactly like that, a good start to the day, but a terrible ending. By late evening, I seemed to have all my "issues" to deal with at once. My eye was very irritated and I was trying to hold it shut, my restless limbs were going crazy, my whole body was tight and aching, the metallic taste in my mouth was stronger than ever, my headache was "on", my mouth and hearing were "off", and to top it off, I had a horrible itchy rash all over my body. I think the rash was a reaction to weeds I had pulled in my yard earlier in the day.
So, by 9pm, I was at my worst, but my body was nowhere near sleep. So, I bundled up and went for a walk outside, by myself. I walked for about 25 minutes and cried out loud much of the time. I talked to myself in my head, wondering why I seem to be struggling so much right now. But, mostly I just cried. I thought about stopping and talking to a friend. In fact, I want all my neighbors to know that I did think about coming to you to vent it all out. I almost stopped at a dozen different homes (Annette, Cami or Cami, Nancy, Kathryn, Heidi, Cathy, Belinda, Els, Andee, Vener, etc). I love and appreciate you all, but I just didn't know what I would even say. You would have offered to help, but I wouldn't have known what to even ask you for. That is why I feel so stuck. I know people still want to help, but I don't know what will help...
So, here it is, another morning, and sure enough, the sun came out again this morning and I am feeling good, for now. The tears have dried up, the itchiness has subsided, but many of the issues remain...because they are part of me for now.
Perhaps I am just coveting my old life, one where I could give instead of receive, play without hurting and have endless energy and strength. But, that is not where I am now, I am here. So, my challenge for today, and everyday, is to love myself, just as I am, challenges and all. I will definitely need God's help, but I know He is there for me, as He has been for me every day of my life!