All of you will have to help me remember what I put on yesterday's post, that life truly is wonderful. Right now, for me, life can also be very hard and tricky and it is very much a balancing act to remember to keep the good things at the forefront of my mind.
Last night and this morning I had a bit of a meltdown. My recovery from all of this is far more than physical. It is as much mental and emotional as physical. I still wake up sometimes surprised that life isn't what is was a few months ago. Sometimes I feel trapped inside my body, like the real "me" is here, but I am stuck inside a body that doesn't do what I tell it to. I have to move my lips out of the way or I bite them when I eat. I can't pick up my little Daven, or carry anything above 10 pounds. I am just beginning to walk, but I still trip and lose my balance. I still can't hear much out of my ear, nor see much out of my eye. I am not saying this to complain, because the one thing I have realized more than any other is how very BLESSED I am. But, what I am realizing is that my life has a new set of rules...problem is, I don't know yet what the rules are!
I am learning that "normal" will be something different than it has ever been before. I am a changed person, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. I feel more deeply, I love more deeply. This is what counts. The physical part is not as important in the long run, but is very hard to adjust to in the short term. I have much more empathy for those in constant pain or with long-term disabilities. I understand things now I never could have before. All of this is what really counts. Now I just need to remember that when the "little" daily frustrations of my new "normal" get me down.
I did go back to the park today and walked 1.3 miles with only a short break, so even on my "hard" days, I know I am making progress.:) And, I am getting ready to go to Girls Camp to visit "my girls" from church. I have so missed getting to see them on a regular basis. I know I am supposed to be the "leader", but I am the one who ends up learning so much from them. Can't wait to see them and visit camp...just wish I could stay!