Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Reminders and A New Set of Rules

All of you will have to help me remember what I put on yesterday's post, that life truly is wonderful. Right now, for me, life can also be very hard and tricky and it is very much a balancing act to remember to keep the good things at the forefront of my mind.

Last night and this morning I had a bit of a meltdown. My recovery from all of this is far more than physical. It is as much mental and emotional as physical. I still wake up sometimes surprised that life isn't what is was a few months ago. Sometimes I feel trapped inside my body, like the real "me" is here, but I am stuck inside a body that doesn't do what I tell it to. I have to move my lips out of the way or I bite them when I eat. I can't pick up my little Daven, or carry anything above 10 pounds. I am just beginning to walk, but I still trip and lose my balance. I still can't hear much out of my ear, nor see much out of my eye. I am not saying this to complain, because the one thing I have realized more than any other is how very BLESSED I am. But, what I am realizing is that my life has a new set of rules...problem is, I don't know yet what the rules are!

I am learning that "normal" will be something different than it has ever been before. I am a changed person, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. I feel more deeply, I love more deeply. This is what counts. The physical part is not as important in the long run, but is very hard to adjust to in the short term. I have much more empathy for those in constant pain or with long-term disabilities. I understand things now I never could have before. All of this is what really counts. Now I just need to remember that when the "little" daily frustrations of my new "normal" get me down.

I did go back to the park today and walked 1.3 miles with only a short break, so even on my "hard" days, I know I am making progress.:) And, I am getting ready to go to Girls Camp to visit "my girls" from church. I have so missed getting to see them on a regular basis. I know I am supposed to be the "leader", but I am the one who ends up learning so much from them. Can't wait to see them and visit camp...just wish I could stay!

14 comments:

wjmom said...

You've been so amazing for so long--lucky young women who can have such a loving role model! I remember wondering when it would feel "normal" after each of our babies was born. The wonder was that, a couple of months later (which seemed like forever at the time) I would realize that it felt normal. Normal will never be the same again, but you will get there. Once again, here comes my love and my prayers!

Loves! (Aundrea)

Diane said...

You summed life up perfectly with this post. Things are thrown at us that we never saw coming, and we have to figure out a new normal and a new set of rules. And all we can do is do our best, whatever that means from day to day. I think you're wonderful! Love you much!

Els Manning said...

hang in there...and focus on the progress and good things...

britt said...

YOU of all people have all the right to vent and complain. What you are going through is NORMAL life magnified by 100's. I can only slightly imagine the frustrations you feel on a daily basis. I admire the positie attitude and outlook you have had through this continued roller-coaster ride. You ARE making progress and I think you are amazing! YOu be careful visiting girls camp-have a good time enjoying being with the girls, BUT DON"T OVER DO IT!
love ya

Anonymous said...

Jodi I would bet that you have blessed the lifes of hundereds. This challenge has changed the life of many in ways you will probably never know. Do not doubt that the Lords hand is reaching out to touch many in your path.
Life truely is a blessing. Full of many we don't fully recognize. Sometimes the blessing could just be that we got out of bed that morning. There may be days when just that one thing is the only thing we recognize in our day that we were able to acomplish. That doesn't make the day a failure, but a success. We are just asked to do all we can. We try, we do our best. We get depressed or disapointed because we don't meet the expectations of ourselves, but we don't have to. Just the Lords expectations. He knows it takes time for each of us to adjust to new and different conditions. It is why we are here. Most of the battle is inside us. Changing the attitude, beating our self doubts. The journey is the process of learning. It is a long and hard road, but we can do hard things.
Sheree

Pam said...

Hi Jodi. loved your post today. Life isn't wonderful, I agree. It is hard, as M Scott Peck famously wrote. It has some wonderful moments, but its fabric is full of multiple ups and downs, sorrows, hardships, and and even some joys.

You have been handed some of the most challenging circumstances. I am with you from afar in your struggles. Keep looking for truth, as you have been, and with your fortitude, you will make it to the new place of you.

Carol Liptrot said...

Jodi, Very touching words. Life is a hard teacher and some of us are not very good students. I think you are learning to be a very good and patient student. You have a good outlook and are learning the lessons well. I know we all wish we could take the classes we want and not the ones that are assigned to us! You will do well, keep up the good work. Progress is always good even when it's hard. Have a great time seeing the girls at camp. They will be so happy to see you too. Hang in there! I love you!
Love, Carol Liptrot

Debbie said...

Brandon and I were just talking about how often we are seeing the "normal" change in the lives of so many we love. I guess the normal in our lives is constantly changing. Sometimes its racically as in your case, and then sometimes in just very small ways. Experiences change us and we are never the same again. We are better, and wiser, and more focused on what matters (if we choose to be). More able to face what lies ahead of us with added grace, power, sympathy, and understanding. Your new normal once all this recovery takes place will be a more powerful greater normal than you've ever experienced before I'm sure. You were such a Christlike person before, but I'm sure that all of this has brought you even closer to Him. Your amazing and we love you! We pray that one day very soon all the hardness of this experience will go away and you will just be left with all the good. We love you and are ever grateful for such an amazing friend.

Love,
Deb

Anonymous said...

Good Morning Jodi,
I have not been able to read your blog for a few days and I have missed hearing how you are doing. I think you are wonderful and I have learned that life is full of changes - some minor and some major. I believe that you have a great attitude and you will continue to do better. Love you tons and hope to come visit you soon. Love, Sue Davis

Anonymous said...

How exciting that you will be able to go for a visit up to camp! I LOVED girls camp when I was the camp leader. You have some great girls and I am sure they were absolutley thrilled to see you. Good luck learning the new rules, I think it would be hard to follow the rules as well once you have learned them. Keep up the amazing progress! Love, April B.

Nichole Giles said...

Beautifully and eloquently put. Sometimes, I think, you stop wanting to hear words of sympathy and encouragement and want people to just listen.

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________

(That's me listening.)

It's a tough road, and it's okay to meltdown every so often. You deserve more than that. We don't always have to be strong all the time. Remember that it's okay to lean on others--or not.

You're also allowed to feel angry every once in a while. If you didn't, I'd be far more concerned than if you did. The truth is, we live life in order to experience all these emotions and without them, we might as well be dead.

So go ahead, feel the way you feel and don't apologize for it. Feeling means you're alive--and that's the thing that counts, no matter what you feel at a given moment, the fact that you do is a miracle.

Quote of the day:
~ Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checked by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat. ~ Theodore Roosevelt

Anonymous said...

Jodi,
You don't know me but a friend of mine is going through some of the same challeges, struggles that you are. Her daughter has a blog for her, for support,prayers and progess reports. She told us about your blog and how amazing you have been to take each day and each challege with such a positive approach. I read your blog every day and I pray for you and your family. You are amazing women and I wanted you to know that there is support and prayers coming to you from Georgia. I wish you the very best and I will continue to follow you and keep the prayers coming to you.

Sincerely,
Your support group in South Georgia

Anonymous said...

Jodi,
What a wonderful blog update!! You are so awesomely in tune. Your insight into this trial is so positive and uplifting. You have toughed so many of us through what you are experiencing.I am addicted to your blog. I feel a lot of us have gained so much from the comments and thoughts from all who have been updating this blog. Things are getting better already!Have fun seeing your Young Women at Camp.They will be excited to see you.
We love you and pray for you always, Love Saras

Anonymous said...

Jodi,
It was so good to see you at girls camp. THOSE GIRLS LOVE YOU!!! I know they look up to you. They were so excited when they saw you. I can't imagine how much your life has changed. You are such an example of patience, love, faith and endurance. When you get discouraged, read the comments on this blog because you have so many people who love you and are rooting for you. Hang in there!
Love Amber Mitchell